Personal Life

Don’t Be Cruel to Each Other

I can’t say it enough. Don’t be cruel to each other. It doesn’t matter who, whether they’re male, female, transgender, gay, straight, black, white.

Over the last few years, we’ve heard stories of young people killing themselves after being bullied. At first, it seemed to cause a sensation, but now, we let out a collective “Awe, what a shame” and go on with life. It shouldn’t be that way.

We should be asking ourselves why this is happening and try to stop it. We can try to instill in the next generation that no matter race or sexuality, we are all human and should be treated as such, but we need to start with ourselves.

It makes me sick to think that someone is sitting in their room or their car or their school bathroom crying at this moment because of something miserable someone said to them that isn’t even true.  You’re fat. You’re worthless. You’re stupid. You’re retarded. You’re too short. You’re too tall. You should kill yourself. No one should hear these things, and there is no need for anyone to ever say them.

Words are the most powerful force in the universe. They can raise and lower mountains, build worlds and crush spirits. We must choose our words carefully because their impact is irreparable. Can you think of something someone said to you that hurt you deeply? Was it years ago? Yet, you still remember it. You’ve felt the effect of it yourself, so now imagine someone saying that to you every day. How would you feel to have your self-worth stripped away constantly? It doesn’t matter how many times someone tells you you’re amazing or pretty or smart because you still remember that awful thing someone said to you, and that will always cling to your mind.

So how do we begin with ourselves?

Watch your words. Some of us have a quicker filter than others and can stop ourselves in time from saying something unkind, but the first step to strengthening that filter is a bit of foresight. Think about what you’re going to say before you say it, and does it need to be said? Not to make you feel better but to help the other person. Will it hurt them? Would it hurt if someone said it to you? It’s such a simple thing, to think of how we would be affected, but it’s shocking how often we don’t do it.

If you see someone else abusing another person verbally, step in and say something. Nip it in the bud. Don’t be abusive back, but stand-up for the other person. Tell them it isn’t right to treat someone that way and why. Try to defuse the situation and give the other person comfort and support. Ask them if they’re all right. What would make you feel better? The best outcome is that the bully/abuser will back off and hopefully think twice about doing it again, and the other person will remember that someone stood-up for them and not that their worth was stripped away once again.

You never know how powerful your words could be. You could destroy or save someone, but which would you choose? I should hope you would want to stand-up for someone because if you were in that situation, wouldn’t you want someone to help you? It’s such a small thing.

Personal Life · Writing

Errant Plots and Acccepted Proposals

The other day I received an email from the director of my graduate program that my thesis proposal was approved! Not only that, but she wanted the file to use as an example of what a proper MFA thesis proposal should look like. I beamed with pride for most of the day, and I feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. In the fall, I will officially begin my thesis and finish up with my MFA in May of 2016, which really means I’ll be going into book three full force as soon as possible.

Part of the reason I hoped my proposal would pass in one shot is that I am trying very hard to separate myself from what I wrote in it about book three. For the professors to approve your proposal, you need to show that you have your shit together and are really prepared to take on a big project and actually finish it, so you have to provide a lot of info about your work even if you really haven’t thought it through yet. It’s all subject to change (thank god), but I had to do quite a bit of cooking up of ideas in a brief amount of time. Now, my very anal analytical side wants to take all of my half-assed ideas from the proposal and check them off, but I know it won’t turn out well. The ideas I wrote down aren’t forming the story I would like to read.

Because of this, I know I need to take a step back and re-evaluate my ideas and where the story is going. It’s been on the backburner for about three weeks while I was working on classwork, but now that the semester is wrapping up, I can finally go back to it. It feels great to be able to finally go back to my writing after a self-imposed hiatus, yet it’s daunting knowing that I need to figure this out before moving forward.

My writing style is somewhere between plotting and flying by the seat of my pants. I don’t like to plot the whole thing out, but I need to know where I’m going before I begin writing a chapter. This system gives me structure but allows for fluidity and for my characters to stretch their legs a bit.

At the moment, I feel a bit lost with The Earl and the Artificer. I have a few chapters done, which are shaping up to be a good foundation, but it feels like an insurmountable task to figure out where I’m going.  The good thing is, I say this every time I begin working on a new book and by 10,000 words in, I’m usually fairly on my feet. I don’t think the anxiety goes away until I’m two chapters away from finishing it.

I’m also back to reading historical fiction again, which always seems to help. I’ll be outlining and diagramming and creating monstrosities that look more like summoning circles than outlines, but now that my proposal has been accepted and my final paper is well under way, I should be able to finally get into book three. I plan to keep everyone posted on the writing process and what I discover along the way with research or writing or myself, but first and foremost, I must write.

Personal Life · Writing

The Anxieties of the Awkward Authoress

Fears…

Most of us probably have a list of fears that we keep tucked close, hidden where they cannot be seen, where others cannot seek to infiltrate and destroy us.  I’m pretty open with a lot of my fears.  In the past I have wondered if there was anyone else who felt the same way I did, so by sharing my experiences, I hope I can spare someone that feeling.  This weekend, I confronted one of my main fears– social anxiety.

I feel I am getting better about dealing with a lot of people in one area.  It’s odd, I can go around New York City, moving shoulder to shoulder with the crowd, but when the crowd is vying for my attention and wants to talk (and go off script), it’s hard to deal with.  At my university, I worked two events, one Saturday and one Sunday. Sunday’s event was an open-house, which I’ve done several times already, but Saturday was my first writer’s conference.  Luckily, I was only manning the sign-in desk along with the other graduate assistant. Unfortunately, I forgot the signs I printed earlier in the week, which threw me off, but thank god, there was a script I repeated about eighty times that day.

For the rest of the day, it was smooth sailing, but when I got home, I threw myself down and took a two and a half hour nap to recharge. I should really say surrendered to the nap. I don’t think I could have stopped it.  That’s what happens quite often with social anxiety. Dealing with other people is stressful. They’re unpredictable, sometimes rude, pushy. More than often, they’re none of the aforementioned things, but one never knows when they’ll surprise you.

In May, I’m doing a reading and small seminar at the Steampunk World’s Fair, and of course, I’m worried about it. I worry about not making a good impression or that I’ll be dreadfully boring. Will I stutter or will they hate my books?  If more than a handful of people show up, will I freak out? Of course I will. I’ll bring water and coffee and possibly a bag to hyperventilate into, but I won’t stop myself from doing my reading.  Probably a dozen times I’ve asked myself why I signed-up to do a reading. I’m a nobody author with a tiny following.  I know at least two people will show up, and if more than that comes, I’ll be eternally grateful.  As a writer, my biggest fear is that they’ll hate my books. As a person, my biggest fear is I’ll make an ass of myself. Honestly, they aren’t too far from each other.

No matter how many times I read aloud or do group events, the fear is still there. I’m hoping that practicing every few days for about three weeks leading up to the reading will help to lessen my fears. Pretending not to be an anxiety-ridden introvert takes a lot of energy, and I’m beginning to wonder how long I’ll sleep after the Steampunk World’s Fair.

On the topic of the Steampunk World’s Fair, I’m supposed to have a short story in a you pay what you want bundle along with several other artists and musicians.  When I get more information about the bundle or what day I’ll be giving my reading, I will let you know, but for now, if you want to get a ticket, which is good for Friday to Sunday, please go here.


If you would like monthly updates about research, book reviews, and interesting articles, please sign-up for my newsletter by clicking the button below.newsletter button

Personal Life

Mr. Wilde and the Awkward Authoress

As I have said in the past, I feel a kinship with Oscar Wilde.  This connection probably stems from my love of Victorian literature and what I have learned about him over time. The more I learn, the more I feel drawn to him, as a person and as a writer.  In a previous post I mentioned how much I love the movie Julie and Julia, and in the same way Julie feels a connection to Julia Child, I feel connected to Oscar Wilde despite living over a century apart. When I think of him, I picture a large man with a quiet yet large presence that isn’t tied to his foppish ensemble.  Along with,  that, I picture champagne, fine dinners, a restaurant gilded and gleaming with a haze of cigar and cigarette smoke somewhere posh.  He was a presence, a man known as much for his wit and intellect as for his talent.  That level of sociability is something I aspire to, but in my introverted, anxiety-ridden bubble, I feel that it is unattainable.  Then, I saw this:power to attract friends Continue reading “Mr. Wilde and the Awkward Authoress”

Personal Life · Writing

Why I Love Julie and Julia

There is something that resonates with me when I watch Julie and Julia.  I cannot count how many times I have watched this movie.  Probably thirty times since it came out.

If you haven’t seen the movie, it’s about Julia Child’s journey from housewife in France to chef while Julie Powell, a blogger, goes through a personal journey to find herself as she spends a year going through Julia Child’s Mastering the Art of French Cooking.

Both Julie and Julia are told that what they are doing is pointless and a waste of time because they will never be like -insert professional-. Luckily, both, especially Julia Child, have this kick-ass attitude. Tell me I can’t do it and watch me do it and succeed. Continue reading “Why I Love Julie and Julia”

Personal Life

Me, My Self, and I

What am I doing today?  Well, part of it will be taken up by going to Panera for an early birthday meal for my boyfriend (happy almost 24th birthday to him) and the rest will be devoted to me and my writing.

I am embracing being selfish and self-involved and all of those horrible “self” words people hurl at you when they think you should be doing something else. Continue reading “Me, My Self, and I”

Personal Life · Writing

Spring Semester, Sales, and Stories

eob 99c promo

I have realized that when the semester begins again, I am horrible about updating my blog (I’m going to try to work on that this time).  It has been a crazy week but a good one.

This week was the beginning of the spring semester at my university.  At the beginning of each semester I am a bundle of nerves complete with tension headaches and the urge to vomit.  Last semester began with me coming home my second day there and crying at my kitchen table for feeling like an inadequate fraud after I didn’t know who Kerouac and Carver were.  Continue reading “Spring Semester, Sales, and Stories”

Personal Life

Migraines and Deadlines

As the saying goes, “Even the best laid plans go awry.”

Earlier in the week, I decided to set up the Kindle pre-order of The Winter Garden (IMD #2), and of course, I made a schedule for what I need to accomplish each day for the next two weeks.  Each day, I planned to edit about 5 chapters while finishing up the ending.  Luckily, I built in quite a bit of padding and I figure I will be able to get it done by March 31st (technically the 21st because that is when Amazon needs the final file), but I am sick. Continue reading “Migraines and Deadlines”

Personal Life

My Hypothetical Life

Sometimes I think about what my perfect life would be like.  Obviously, it wouldn’t be perfect, nothing ever is, but a life I would enjoy.

In my practical fantasies, I would be an English professor at one of my alma maters, where I would teach literature and creative writing classes.  Hopefully I would inspire a student or two the way my favorite professors have inspired me. My writing would be doing well in terms of creative productivity and sales.  I would be able to afford a small but comfortable house complete with room for my books and my dogs. Nothing big, probably older to ensure it has some charm.  Continue reading “My Hypothetical Life”

Personal Life · Writing

Wrap-up and Resolutions

Wow, 2014 has been a crazy year for me.  A great year but a whirlwind of insanity at times.

This year, I began graduate school to earn my MFA in creative and professional writing, and now that a full year in the program has passed, I can say that I love it and believe I made the right decision.  I don’t think my parents were terribly pleased when I decided to change my course of study in the second half of my junior year from pre-med to English major, but I’m a lot happier reading and analyzing books and writing constantly than I ever was doing dissections and memorizing muscle groups (though biology and science still hold a special place in my heart and in my books).  In 2014, I also became a graduate assistant at the university I attend, which means I help out the professors and put together the end of semester newsletter as well as work on the department’s literary magazine. Continue reading “Wrap-up and Resolutions”