Personal Life

On Learning New Things

I am an eternal student. Whether it’s doing research for my books or learning new crafts, I am always learning. One thing my partner and I have been talking about a lot lately is eventually trying to make a video game together. My partner is really talented as an artist, and she knows some coding. I would obviously love to help build and write for the game. In order to not be semi dead weight, I decided to learn coding.

For the first time in a long time, I ended up with learning paralysis. Code for some reason felt very intimidating. Initially, my hesitation was that I couldn’t conceptualize how the art part of the game got combined with the lines of code to create what we all play. That hang up caused me to stall out and procrastinate for about a week. A few Youtube videos later, it finally clicked that games were basically a puppet theater that the code manipulated while the player is the only “human” who moves independently. I felt slightly silly for not realizing that sooner, but brains get hung up on weird things. I have a tendency to get stuck on abstract concepts that I can’t link to things I can see. It’s the same reason why I did well in math until I hit calculus where everything felt so abstract that I couldn’t ground concepts in reality enough to do well.

With this exciting discovery fueling me, I immediately starting doing tutorials on GDscript (the code that the game engine Godot uses) and hit the wall again.

While I do Duolingo daily to encourage my mom to keep learning Spanish (and to exercise my own brain), I do not enjoy the learning style that tosses you into learning concepts without context. One of my favorite parts of learning languages in school was the charts that explained verb tenses, pronouns, grammatical rules, etc. I don’t tend to organically pick that kind of stuff up. I just get frustrated when I don’t understand the rationale behind things. I feel like if I can’t put all the pieces together based on what you taught me, you’re doing a bad job. Assuming a student is going to organically pick up anything is a foolhardy endeavor because most won’t, and if you tell people they’re wrong and they get repeatedly frustrated, they quit. I got very frustrated that I was being expected to intuit things that made no sense without added context. At one point, I actually got my partner to look at an answer and explain to me what I wasn’t understanding or missing. Even she wasn’t sure at first, but when we talked it out, we figured out that what I was thinking were coordinates on a grid were actually the slope of the movement.

If you are teaching a concept and don’t explain the various pieces to your student, you are setting them up for confusion and failure. This is a hill I will die on. More information always trumps less.

I do a lot of crafting and have a high frustration tolerance, but even I walked away from this for a day or two because I was so annoyed. After doing some Googling, I found out that GDscript is very similar to another coding language called Python, so I looked into that instead as I figured it was older and would have a lot more information on it. I hit pay dirt. Something I’ve found as an eternal student is that there is a teacher for every student. You just have to find them. Several Youtube videos later, I found someone whose style jived with my brain. His approach is straightforward, detailed, and he spends time breaking down what the various pieces do in terms of syntax and grammar.

After an hour of following along with his video, I was able to create a basic little chatbot, and while it was something small and silly, I left feeling accomplished. That is what learning should feel like. Could I build an app? No. Do I feel like I walked away with comprehensive basic knowledge that will act as a foundation for other things I learn? Yes, and that’s the important part.

What I’ve found helps me a lot when I’m trying to learn new things is planning out that learning. The same guy has a rather cheap beginner course (under $50 with a coupon) with like 30+ hours of information. I plan to watch a few more of his beginner videos on Youtube and take notes until I can take the course. I only have 90 days to complete the course, so I want to make sure I clear my to-do list of a few things first as I’m currently reading/giving feedback on a past student’s novel and have to finish reading a book I need to blurb. By the end of the course, I should have a rudimentary understanding of Python and be able to make some basic things. If I like it and think it’s useful, I can branch out to the more advanced course and go from there.

I know someone out there is reading this and going, “Why not just use AI and vibe code?” Because I don’t want to be dependent upon something else, especially something I despise. And more importantly, I want to learn how to do this myself, so I can expand my skills, make new stuff, and move closer to my goal of building a game with my partner. I can’t do that if I don’t learn the basics and grow from there.

Learning is something I enjoy. I like expanding my frustration tolerance and working through problems rather than relying on someone else or giving up the second I hit a roadblock. Something I stress to my students, especially my college freshmen, is that frustration and doubting your skills is a part of learning. I remember sitting in my first few weeks of grad school classes worrying I was the stupidest one in the class because I was psyching myself out. Once I grew accustomed to new terminology and the ebb and flow of the classes, I realized I was fine. If I wasn’t willing to sit with that discomfort, I could have missed out on something that has been really important to my growth. It’s the same with learning skills on your own. If you’re unwilling to deal with frustration and discomfort, you’ll never grow. I wish that more people would understand that and embrace that instead of turning to AI or simply giving up.

The Reanimator's Heart · the reanimator's soul · the reanimator's fate · The Reanimator's Remains

Audiobooks on Sale for September

I feel slightly guilty that a lot of my posts lately have been about sales rather than my books, writing, my life, etc., but I promise those will be back shortly. This week’s blog post is extra short because The Reanimator Mysteries audiobooks are all on sale exclusively on Chirp until the end of September.

a screenshot from Chirp showing The Reanimator Mysteries books 1-4 on sale until the end of September. You can grab all 4 books for $11.96
When necromancer Oliver brings murdered Felipe back from the dead, it kicks off this darkly comedic series full of magic, mayhem, and undead romance!

I know some of you have been waiting for book 4’s audiobook, so if you haven’t grabbed it yet, now is a great time. If you only want to grab one or two, they are $2.99 each. Pick up one or all of the series here.

Next week will probably be a writer ramble about life, trying new things, and sweet Katerpoo, so stay tuned for a more substantial post.

Monthly Review

August 2026 Wrap-Up Post

Every year I find August to be a mixed bag. It’s the last lazy throws of summer but also the lead-up to the semester and brings chaos with it. I feel like I didn’t get as much done as I hoped, but I’m still trying to be kind to myself after all that happened this year. Let’s recap what my goals for August were:

  • Start working on Flowers & Flourishing in earnest
  • Finish proofing the audiobook for The Reanimator’s Fate (TRM #4)
  • Release the audiobook for TRF
  • Set up syllabi and work stuff
  • Maintain my mental health
  • Finish craft projects
  • Blog weekly
  • Send out monthly newsletter
  • Read 8 books

Books

My goal was to read 8 books, and I read exactly 8.

  1. The Ancient Magus’ Bride Vol. 22 by Kore Yamazaki- 4 stars, an interesting glimpse at the dragons and gorgons and a new part of the world we haven’t seen before. My only quibble is that I hate how the cast is so expansive that I have no idea who is who anymore. We need a recap at the beginning.
  2. The Woman Who Fell Through Space by Amara Star- 4 stars, the first in a new series where a trans woman grieving her wife is accidentally sent into a space-age future where she needs to figure out what she wants her new life to look like.
  3. Autistic Menopause by Julie Gamble-Turner and Rachel Moseley- 4 stars, a friend recommended it since I’m in my mid-30s and bodies are annoying. It was quite interesting, at the same time, I wish there was more info about studies or other places for further reading.
  4. The City of Dusk by Tara Sim- 3 stars, this rating is partly a me problem. I’m finding I don’t love fantasies with very large, multi-POV casts. The heads of opposing houses team up to summon the gods and free their world only to have things go catastrophically wrong.
  5. Radio Silence by Chace Verity- 5 stars, two radio/movie stars reunite after five years apart after WWII. I read this as an ARC and loved it immensely. There’s a lot of good tension between the two MCs and dark overtones that are off-set by the sunshine side characters. Overall, very hopeful despite the time period for gay characters.
  6. Revenge of the Sunshine by Jackie Lau- 4 stars, a whimsical woman discovers her boyfriend is cheating on her with her best friend and does the obvious thing: asks his brother to help her get revenge. In this whimsical x stuffed shirt romance, we get a satisfying romance that grows deliciously. Oh, and there’s a cute cat.
  7. What Did You Eat Yesterday? Vol. 4 by Fumi Yoshinaga- 4 stars, a gay couple in their 30s/40s in 2000s Japan navigate life together. There is a ton of food as always, and it’s fun to watch the one MC untangle his internalized homophobia/deal with Japanese society’s expectations.
  8. What Did You Eat Yesterday? Vol. 5 by Fumi Yoshinaga- 4 stars, see above.

Admin/Behind-the-Scenes Stuff

  • Proofed the audiobook of The Reanimator’s Fate (TRM #4)
  • Sent the narrator the edits for the audiobook of TRF
  • Paid for, approved, and published the audiobook of TRF
  • Worked on mapping out the rewrite and expansion of Flowers & Flourishing
  • Started writing the rewrite of F&F
  • Put a deposit down for the cover of F&F and a re-cover of K&K
  • Ran a book bundle/sale for Katie’s next oncology visit
  • Was part of a queer, historical book bundle
  • Helped my partner with name change paperwork
  • Got the name change approved (yay)
  • Turned in more paperwork for the name change (so many post office trips)
  • Dealt with a broken sump pump/wet basement
  • Beta read/historical spot-checked for a friend
  • Started editing a past student’s book
  • Took Edgar to the vet (he’s fine now)
  • Worked on my craft project
  • Set up my syllabi and online stuff for my classes
  • Only McLostIt a little

Blogs


Writing

Truthfully, I wish I wrote more this month, but I’m glad that I spent the majority of my writing brain on figuring out how I wanted to change Flowers & Flourishing during the rewrite. I had initially assumed that the rewrite would just be me beefing up scenes with more detail and expanding Felipe’s role in the story. Once I started writing it, things rapidly changed as it became apparent that the story was going to expand quite a bit, like one scene went from 1.5 pages to 6 pages. That’s to be expected when fiddling with the opening and establishing things, but I didn’t quite expect the expansion to be that big. Rather than opening the two docs side by side and revising, I’m basically rewriting the whole book from scratch with the original draft as a scaffold. I’m mildly annoyed at myself as it will take longer than I had anticipated. At the same time, I think it will be a much better book, and Agatha and Louisa deserve a solid story for their romance.


Hopes for September

  • Write 20,000 words of Flowers and Flourishing for the rewrite
  • Collaborate with my cover artist on the covers for F&F and K&K
  • Deal with multiple doctor/vet appointments without McLosingIt
  • Run an audiobook sale on Chirp (if they approve it)
  • Finish feedback on a past student’s book (it’s quite good!)
  • Keep up with my grading and class stuff
  • Finish the craft kit I’m working on
  • Blog weekly
  • Send out monthly newsletter
  • Read 8 books

Book Reviews

10 Books to Add to Your TBR 2026 Edition Part 2

Every year I make a running list of books I really enjoyed throughout the year that I would recommend to my friends and readers. These aren’t necessarily books within the genres I write, just ones I enjoy. I have tried to give you some info about why I enjoyed them, so use your best judgement and make sure to check for CWs online if you have things that bother you. You can read part 1 here. The links below are affiliate links, so I get a small kickback if you buy something.

  1. Hemlock & Silver by T. Kingfisher- a fresh take on Snow White involving a mirror world. The main character is a poison specialist who is called in to figure out why the king’s daughter, Snow, has taken ill since her mother and sister were killed. The main character is a hyper-competent woman who feels neurodivergent. There’s also a body guard who loves her and a rather interesting background world.
  2. A Long and Speaking Silence by Nghi Vo- this is the sixth book in the Singing Hills Cycle, but it can be read as a standalone. This volume follows Cleric Chih in their early years as they deal with being stuck in a town working at a restaurant. Immigrants are flowing into the town due to a natural disaster and tensions are high. I loved this volume. It dealt with immigration, leaving behind parts of yourself while retaining others, how memories and culture are shared, and what’s lost along the way.
  3. Yield Under Great Persuasion by Alexandra Rowland- a bitter man who has been fighting all the good things in his life finally has to face the fact that he can have good things when his [one-sided] frienemy with benefits tells him that he is one of the harvest goddess’s chosen people. With both of them being under the goddess’s wing, he has to face the fact he has been getting in his own way for years. I loved watching the MC realize that no one is holding him back but him and seeing him grow as a person. This book feels very hobbit or forest elf coded, so if you’re into coziness in a warm fires, plants, and getting your ass kicked into gear kind of way, this one’s for you.
  4. Starling House by Alix E. Harrow- a modern fairytale about an orphaned young woman taking care of her little brother who dreams of a creepy house in town only to find herself drawn to the house and its stern owner, Arthur. It’s a tale of monsters, memory, legacy, and nightmares. Can people and places shed their histories in order to move on and grow? I love Opal and Arthur and how awful they can both be and how haunted they are by their families’ legacies. The texture of the town is rich and horrifying in how recognizable it is. Alix E. Harrow is steadily becoming a favorite for me.
  5. Bone Map by Sara Eliza Johnson- Recently, I decided to get back into poetry since I haven’t read much since grad school, and I really liked this one. Not going to lie, I picked it up because the cover is very on brand for me, and the poetry is as well. Johnson speaks to my romantic-goremonger heart. She slides between the grotesque imagery and love and grief with ease. It’s complex without being too hard for someone who doesn’t venture into poetry that often.
  6. Quackery by Lydia Kang and Nate Pederson- Is this the best nonfiction book on quack medicine? No, but it is a good primer for the ridiculous lengths that people have gone through to stay alive or make a quick buck. The tone is a bit irreverent, which isn’t always my favorite, but it’s clear and easy to see the connections to a lot of our modern quackery that people like RFK Jr and anti-vaxxers push. Definitely worth taking a look if you want to get an introduction to this sort of bullshittery.
  7. Autistic Menopause by Julie Gamble-Turner and Rachel Moseley- As someone who is autistic and in their mid 30s, this felt very timely and a good way to prepare for the future. It was recommended by a friend, and if you are autistic or ADHD, I highly recommend checking this out because the changes involved in menopause can affect neurodivergent people differently than it affects neurotypical people. There is already so little info on perimenopause that is actually clear, and there’s like none for ND people, so while there were times I wish there was more info about certain things, this is a really good starting point for AFAB or intersex people with uteruses/ovaries. I also appreciated that this book was gender inclusive and not just women-focused.
  8. Revenge of the Sunshine by Jackie Lau- I was so excited to get an ARC for Jackie Lau’s latest book. If you love very whimsical sunshine characters and grumpy characters who are more stoic, this one is for you. In this novel, the sunshine character is cheated on and asks her ex’s brother to be her fake boyfriend. After he asks her to move in due to his brother’s tomfoolery, they become closer as she cracks through his shell. Jackie’s books are some of the only cis-het MF romances I read because her books are never aggressively heterosexual, and this one is no exception. What I loved about this is the reason as to why the male main character is “grumpy” since it’s deeper than just personality (cw for grief) on top of what feels like maybe autism/neurodivergence. That isn’t confirmed in the text, but he feels ND. This is a lovely seasonal romance (autumn/winter), and I have to admit that I love seeing a sunshine character doing something devious.
  9. Radio Silence by Chace Verity- I was lucky enough to read this as an ARC, and I absolutely loved it. It’s set right after WWII as an ex-radio star returns to Hollywood after disappearing suddenly five years earlier. As he picks up the pieces of his old life to rebuild, he has to grapple with if he is brave enough to face the man he loves and the people he left behind. This book is a fascinating look at old Hollywood radio and how the Hayes Code looms over their lives. There’s also a great balance of darkness in the background while so many of the characters are bubbles of sunshine. For anyone worried, it ends well. You can join Chace’s newsletter to find out first when it’s up for preorder or sale.
  10. The Starving Saints by Caitlin Starling- This book feels like a Bosch painting. It’s Medieval-flavored magic as a castle fortress under attack is about to run out of food when it’s visited by supernatural creatures that claim to be manifestations of their beloved saints and they’ve come bearing food. The castle’s mad scientist (and ex nun) is suspicious of the saints while the lady knight immediately swears fealty to her saints. The story is sumptuous horror with a ton of cannibalism, bees, and Catholic but not Catholic horror. I loved this, and I especially loved how it deals with the horrors of war, power, and obedience.

flowers and flourishing

What Comes Next and a Sale

One of the things I equally love and hate about being an author is how quickly we move on from one project to the next. Since “An Unexpected Christmas” (TRM #4.5) and the audiobook of The Reanimator’s Fate (TRM #4) have come out, it’s time to talk more about my next project, which is the rewrite and expansion of Flowers and Flourishing.

First row in the grid: a Latina woman with curly black hair and tan skin, a display case of butterflies at a museum, a nopal cactus
Second row: a jaguar, a painting of 2 people touching hands with the quote someone will remember us I say, even in another time (Sappho), a 19th century artist's set up
Third row: violets, inside a 19th century greenhouse with a white spiral staircase, a picture of Lux Pascal leaning on her hand while wearing a white, vaguely Victorian outfit

If the name sounds vaguely familiar, F&F is/was the newsletter freebie novella that I wrote a few years ago. It is the story behind how Agatha and Louisa from The Reanimator Mysteries series got together, and it takes place about twenty years before the events of those books. It isn’t for sale anywhere, but it’s been up in its current incarnation for a while.

At the time, I was happy with it, but the more I’ve written Agatha and Louisa as prominent side characters in the Reanimator Mysteries, the more I wanted to delve into their story and flesh it out more. The original novella is about 37,000 words, which isn’t a lot compared to my other books. When I went back and reread it, I really wanted to expand it. As cute as it is, I want to give Agatha and Louisa the depth they deserve in their sapphic romance, and that means expanding the novella into a full novel. The overall idea of the book won’t change that much, but it will be completely rewritten, smoothed, fleshed out, and scenes will change to the point that I don’t think it’ll be recognizable unless you zoom out on the narrative. I have vowed to myself I will never rewrite works I’ve already released, but this doesn’t count since it was a freebie that never ended up on retailers. Loopholes!

Currently, I have the cover in the works with Crowglass Design who did the Reanimator Mysteries covers, and I’m also redoing the cover for Kinship and Kindness to match since they’ll be part of the same series (The Paranormal Society Romance series). For those who have been looking forward to the other books in that series I mentioned long ago, I will get to those. They’re just on the backburner for now while I figure out where I want to go with them.

My hope is that even if you read the original version of Flowers and Flourishing, you will still check out the new one as I think it will be significantly better and more fleshed out. I have no preorder or timeline for the release yet, but I will keep you all updated as I get further along in the writing process! Now, a sale.

a black and white dog with a bald nose with a scar on it.

If you follow me elsewhere (or here), you might know that my dog Katie had treatment to remove and treat a soft tissue sarcoma on her nose. I’m running a bundle/sale on Itchio to help offset the cost of her next vet visit, which will include an x-ray and possibly blood work. You can grab any/all of the Reanimator Mysteries books for 50% off or get all 4 for $10. I believe the sale runs until September 4th. I chose Itchio because I can get the money the quickest compared to Amazon and other retailers that take 60-90 days to pay out. Also, with files from Itchio, you own them forever, and you can send the files to your Kindle or Kobo.

the reanimator's fate

The Reanimator’s Fate is Now in Audiobook!

I know last week was the release of the #4.5 short story, but we have another big release. This time it is the audiobook for The Reanimator’s Fate (TRM #4). As always Jack R. R. Evans is our narrator, and they did an absolutely awesome job capturing Oliver and Felipe as well as all of the many antagonists and people the boys deal with in this book.

the audiobook cover for the reanimator's fate written by kara jorgensen and read by jack r r evans

The audiobook of The Reanimator’s Fate is available at Amazon, Audible, Apple Books, Kobo, Libro.FM, GooglePlay, Hoopla, Everand, Audiobooks.com, Chirp, Libby, and more! If you like to check books out of the library, you should be able to request it there as well. As always to my audiobook readers, thank you for your patience since you had a few more months to wait than ebook/paperback readers.

If you haven’t started the series yet, you can grab books 1, 2, and 3 through their respective links. And if you like Jack’s narration, they also did the narration for Kinship and Kindness.

the reanimator's fate

“An Unexpected Christmas” (TRM #4.5) is Out!

If you’re part of my newsletter, you have already received your copy of “An Unexpected Christmas,” but I also wanted to release it officially to my non-newsletter readers.

You can grab it through the freebies section of my website or through this link. “An Unexpected Christmas” is a 25,000 word novella set a few weeks after the events of The Reanimator’s Fate (TRM #4). To avoid confusion and spoilers, I highly suggest reading that book before this story.

an unexpected christmas trm #4.5 by kara jorgensen, oliver x felipe, teresa has news, cooking, decorating, shopping, panickng, christmas time, pomeranians causing havoc, about 24,000 words

Felipe’s life has changed for the first time in nearly twenty years: he’s retired, he has a partner who loves him, and he’s embarking on a new venture to help members of the Paranormal Society acclimate, but as the holidays rapidly approach and Oliver’s anxiety about Christmas gets worse, old insecurities rear their head.

Oliver has no experience with Christmas. Quakers don’t do holidays, and while he’s read books and watched others celebrate from afar, he fears he will somehow ruin the Galvans’ holiday.

Unfortunately, that fear might be founded when, between a mishap involving decorating and news from Teresa, Oliver and Felipe are forced to take over preparing for Christmas.

Will Oliver and Felipe be able to keep their anxieties in check, or will this Christmas be memorable for all the wrong reasons?


CWs: on page sexual content, anxiety, minor injuries, minor burns


If you would like to grab your copy of “An Unexpected Christmas,” you can do so by clicking the button below. You can also pop over to my freebies page on my website to grab the other 3 in-between stories for the Reanimator Mysteries series.

Monthly Review

July 2026 Wrap-Up Post

July is the first month in a while that I feel like I actually accomplished a lot. There were definitely points where I was scrambling and where I dropped the ball (balance, who?), but I feel better about myself knowing that I can push myself occasionally and actually accomplish what I set out to do. Let’s check out what my goals were for July before we begin:

  • Finish “An Unexpected Christmas”
  • Finish editing “An Unexpected Christmas”
  • Finish the craft projects I started months ago (oops)
  • Finish proofing the audiobook for TRF
  • Send out AUC to my newsletter
  • Maintain my mental health
  • Keeping working out
  • Enjoy my birthday
  • Read 8 books
  • Blog weekly
  • Send out monthly newsletter

Books

My goal was to read 8 books, and I read exactly 8.

  1. Vapor by Sara Eliza Johnson- 4 stars, the second poetry chapbook by Johnson that I’ve read. Once again, it was very visceral and slightly gory, but I loved it for those reasons. If you like art and science colliding, I highly recommend her work.
  2. Quackery by Lydia Kang and Nate Pederson- 4 stars, a nonfiction book on the history of various quack medicine categories. I really liked this one because it gives you the origins of many of the whackadoodle “holistic” medicine you see promoted by anti-vaxxers and other grifters.
  3. Audrey Lane Stirs the Pot (#3) by Alexis Hall, 4 stars, Audrey Lane joins a baking show on a whim only to fall for the hard ass producer of the show and accidentally uncovers a sapphic romance from WWII that took place on the grounds the show uses. I loved seeing the human side of Jennifer/the producer after seeing her as a foulmouthed pain in the ass in the previous books.
  4. The Starving Saints by Caitlin Starling- 4 stars, gruesome and delicious horror. I love a drowned rat of a woman being set against a scary lady knight. I’m not always a horror(ish) fan, but I have been dying for this kind of pseuodmedieval setting that feels very real despite the fanasy elements.
  5. What Did You Eat Yesterday (#1) by Fumi Yoshinaga- 4 stars, a slice of life manga about two gay men in their 30s/40s living together in mid 00s Japan. I wasn’t sure if I would love it based on book 1, but I’ve grown to enjoy them as a couple more and more as they work through their own neuroses and deal with the societal-level homophobia present at the time. It isn’t overt, but you can feel it in their actions and how they do or don’t do things.
  6. What Did You Eat Yesterday (#2) by Fumi Yoshinaga- 4 stars, see above.
  7. What Did You Eat Yesterday (#3) by Fumi Yoshinaga- 4 stars, see above.
  8. The Titan’s Bride (#9) by ITKZ- 4 stars, a great way to wrap up the egg arc for this series. I really like the way ITKZ handles the arcs (versus something like Ancient Magus’s Bride, which often feels clunky or too fast). Once again, it is definitely graphic, BUT the storyline is so good, so it doesn’t feel like it’s sex first and book second. I mention it so as not to blindside anyone who picks it up based on my recommendations.

Admin/Behind-the-Scenes Stuff

  • Proofed 80% of the audiobook for The Reanimator’s Fate (TRM #4)
  • Wrote the rest of “An Unexpected Christmas” (TRM #4.5)
  • Wrote the blurb for “An Unexpected Christmas” (TRM #4.5)
  • Edited “An Unexpected Christmas” (TRM #4.5)
  • Formatted “An Unexpected Christmas” (TRM #4.5)
  • Sent out “An Unexpected Christmas” (TRM #4.5) to newsletter subscribers (coming soon to everyone else)
  • Celebrated my birthday and had a good time
  • Reached out to my cover designer about cover design ideas for 2 books
  • Added “An Unexpected Christmas” (TRM #4.5) to my freebies page
  • Sent out my monthly newsletter
  • Didn’t completely tank my brain and body this month

Blogs


Writing

This was one of the most productive writing months I’ve had in a long time. To me, there’s a difference between writing regularly and being on a roll. In July while working on “An Unexpected Christmas,” I felt like I was on a roll and writing came fairly smoothly. Usually, I get hung up on transitional scenes or I spend a lot of time hemming and hawing over the order of operations, but in July, I managed to smoothly work through any last minute issues in a very timely manner. This is the kind of energy and flow that I wish I had all the time. If I could harness that regularly, I could write so many books. As someone with chronic issues, I know that’s impossible, but goddamn, would I like to bottle that and tap into it when needed. I hope you all enjoy “An Unexpected Christmas,” which you can find under freebies if you aren’t on my newsletter list.


Hopes for August

  • Start working on Flowers & Flourishing in earnest
  • Finish proofing the audiobook for The Reanimator’s Fate (TRM #4)
  • Release the audiobook for TRF
  • Set up syllabi and work stuff
  • Maintain my mental health
  • Finish craft projects
  • Blog weekly
  • Send out monthly newsletter
  • Read 8 books

Writer Rambles

Writer Rambles #4

This weekend I saw a cursed post on Bluesky, which, of course, was a screenshot from Reddit.

a post from reddit that reads Chatgpt not letting you emulate specific authors anymore. ive been writing my books for several months now, paid for a more advanced model. took a break. came back. now ms. gpt says she can't generate content in the style of specific authors. My prompts were soooo specific and i got exactly what i wanted out of them. for exmaple rewrite in the literary style of "author here" with abundant dialogue and detail avoiding staccato prose." that was my go-to or please write and flesh out in the style of 'author' etc. they tightened the ropes. i have no ide ahow to get around this other than maybe feed it prose i already edited that's technically mine? fuck

What are we even doing here? I am very anti-AI, but I can understand grifters using it to write books and essentially creating a content mill for slop where they make money off the initial sales, start a new pen name when that one tanks, lather-rinse-repeat. That makes sense to me because grifters gonna grift. What I don’t understand with this post is that the poster has been writing a book for several months. Months!

All the AI evangelists tout AI as something that helps them streamline the process, be more efficient, etc., but non-AI using authors take months to write their books. Why bother using it if it literally takes the exact same amount of time as just doing it yourself? The funniest part to me is that this person knows enough about writing that they can see the flaws in AI generated prose. It tends to be choppy, repetitive, and circular or broken up in a way that humans don’t write. I’ve read quite a bit of it as a professor who teaches freshman writing, and it’s easy to spot because it makes mistakes in style that humans don’t.

So this person who understands writing enough to say don’t use staccato sentences, be descriptive, etc. is still using AI to write their book. My question is why can’t they just apply that to their own writing? Half the battle of becoming a decent writer is seeing the flaws in your own prose and fixing it. If you can see it in ChatGPT’s prose, you should be able to see it in your own.

The issue of writing in the style of another author is common in AI writers and novices as well. Voice is something one develops over time. It isn’t something you can shoehorn into a book, and a lot of the “voice of” is really just symbolism, metaphor, imagery, etc. that gets repeated in an author’s work, not the actual structure of their sentences. People like Tolkein or Lemony Snicket might have very stylistic prose that can be emulated, but for many popular authors, that isn’t going to work. This is why I tell my creative writing students not to copy authors they like and just to write what’s in their heads. Your voice starts as an amalgamation of the all the works you consume, but over time, you appear through it. AI can never do that. All it can do is make a Temu version of popular authors, and it tickles me that these slop jockeys think it does anything but pale in comparison to the real thing or to authentic voice. After reading essays my students have turned in, I would rather get 100 off the wall student-written essays than derivative AI slop.

The last sentence in the post is really what had me confused: “feed it prose I already edited that’s technically mine.” What do you mean technically yours? I had assumed that this person was writing chunks of fiction and feeding it into the AI in order for it to spit out something more stylistic and beefed up. Are they not actually writing anything? People who cobble together books with AI get really pissy when you tell them they aren’t actually writers, and I really do wonder how they think they qualify if they aren’t actually writing anything. If you’re just typing in a prompt and having it spit out more words than you put in, that isn’t writing a book. The AI is collating words that make sense together, but in no way will that ever have the authorial intent or cohesion of a book written by an actual author who can plan and weave and use their imagination.

As you can imagine, the comments on this thread were equal parts heartening and horrible. The horrible side contained a bunch of people giving tips on how to skirt the new limitations by tweaking the wording. The rest were chef kiss in that it was a whole wall of “HAHA you actually have to learn to write.” I am one of those people. My feeling about generative AI is that it, its creators, and the people who use it can all get fucked. It is the biggest grift we have seen in some time, and all it does it have people cede their skills and creativity to an over-hyped predictive text program. There is no substitute for human feelings, ingenuity, and creativity, and there is no way in hell I would ever cede any ground to a machine no matter how much brain fog or fatigue I had (since so many evangelists try to say its ableist to tell people not to use AI or that you won’t read it). I sometimes think of all those people who said things about giving into temptation or selling your soul to the devil, and I can’t think of a more apt real example of that than a machine that saps you of the things that make us human.

Personal Life

Your Feelings Aren’t Valid

I made the mistake of wandering onto the wrong side of Reddit (is there truly a right side of Reddit?), and I was faced with so many posts from people whose partners turned out to be trans who were “mourning” their partner’s old gender. My instinctive feeling upon seeing all of these posts was revulsion and being incredibly pissed off.

I was incredibly confused by seeing these posts, especially from partners who claimed to be accepting but still were “mourning” their partner’s old gender, so of course, I read some of them and made myself even more confused and even more angry.

For some background, my partner is a trans woman who started HRT early last year and has been feeling out her gender for the past three years or so. I’m nonbinary and consider myself to be trans as my birth gender does not align with my feelings or self-perception. The closest label I have is agender, but more practically, I’m a bit masc leaning while my partner is way more feminine and was even before she transitioned. We are a T4T couple and have been together for over twenty years.

I always suspected my partner was queer in some way. We used to joke that she had Disney queer-coded villain energy, so when she started to feel out her gender more allowed herself to be more feminine, I wasn’t surprised when she came out as a trans woman. I kind of suspected she was. When I came out as nonbinary back in like 2016 or 2018 (can’t remember when), my partner was unfazed and just adapted to the perception changes to make me more comfortable. I don’t think it occurred to either of us that we might “mourn” for some ephemeral aspect of the other person’s identity that was changing.

What got me so heated about reading the “mourning” posts from straight and queer partners alike was that

a) their partner wasn’t dead. The framing of it as “mourning” grated on me because the person isn’t dead and a change of gender is a loss in any way, shape, or form.

b) they were INCREDIBLY self-centered

The vast majority of these posts were about how their lives were changing, how their partner was doing this to them, that they were struggling, how would they be perceived, how their identity was changing. I remember blinking at these posts like, “This isn’t about you??”

Here’s the thing, you are allowed to have feelings. You are allowed to feel things, BUT I think sometimes we have to look at our feelings and say to ourselves, “Does this feeling make sense/is proportional to what’s going on or am I being a little over the top?” As someone with autism, I am keenly aware that sometimes I am having big feelings over something that is not a big deal in the big scheme of things, and I often take a time out, figure out why I am feeling such big feelings, and readjust that feeling into something that’s more reasonable. It’s perfectly fine to have big feelings, but they aren’t always logical. And they definitely do not need to be shared with everyone or get vomited at your partner.

Maybe it’s because I’m nonbinary and have a trans woman as a partner, but I immediately put myself into the partner’s shoes and wonder how it would feel if my partner made a big deal of me wanting to be perceived differently and made it all about them. People don’t transition to spite you. More than likely you aren’t even part of the equation because it’s their identity, not yours. I’m sure some people are upset specifically because they are not part of the equation, and how dare they do it without consulting them. That isn’t valid. That’s shitty.

I have a hypothesis that a lot of people, especially cis het people but also some monosexual queer people, treat their identity as a mirror. Their identity is influenced by what is around them, and they merely reflect it back. An example- a cis heterosexual woman might see her identity as wife of a lawyer, teacher, and mother of a son because those are the roles reflected back on her by those around her. A gay man might do the same thing by surrounding himself with the trappings of US gay society and by being with gay men. In both cases, the people in the example are gaining these important aspects of their identities by those around them rather than within.

When I think of myself, I am very cognizant of who I am and self-aware of my shortcomings. I am someone who is queer because after doing a lot of questioning and poking around, I realized I was attracted to lots of kinds of people and that I am not cis. I am a writer or storyteller because that’s what I like to do and feel compelled to do. More broadly, I am creative, intense, thoughtful, etc. My identity is not dependent upon my job or the people around me; it’s the intrinsic bits that live inside me and have for most of my life. None of the aspects I mentioned are dependent upon who my partner is.

What I suspect is happening with a lot of these “mourning” posts is that people who get their identities by what’s reflected back on them are having crises about who they are. If my partner is now a woman, am I gay? Am I still a lesbian if my partner is now a man? If you were secure in your identity and who you are, that wouldn’t be something you had to ask yourself.

My partner considers herself a lesbian as she is primarily attracted to women, but I’m nonbinary and not particularly feminine. We’ve had this discussion before, and she has stressed that me being nonbinary and masculine-ish doesn’t change that she is attracted mainly to women. These are not mutually exclusive statements. It seems that a lot of people don’t understand how multiple things can be true at once or that your partner might be an exception to your general attraction rule. On one hand, I think it’s good at these people are potentially thinking about their identities more thoroughly. On the other, calling it “mourning” is a bad look, and they should feel bad about it.

There’s a part of me that wants to lead with kindness, but the trans and autistic side of me says that we need to be meaner to nip this shit in the bud.

The problem with “mourning” a change in identity is that you are burying someone who is still alive, someone who still needs you. It is an empty coffin you’re crying over when you could be celebrating the rebirth of the person you love.

I get particularly pissy about this behavior because back in the day on autism groups on FB, I saw so many parents “mourning” their children when they were diagnosed with autism. I would sit there as an autistic adult and be like uhhhh, I’m not dead, your kid didn’t die, and your kid is literally the same as they were yesterday but with a new label. “Mourning” the “death” of an idealized version of the person they had in their mind is not a valid feeling because that person didn’t exist outside your head.

There’s a big difference between change is hard in that it’s taking me a bit of time to adjust to my partner being a different gender and having a new name and “my partner as I knew them is dead.” What often happens with this sort of post is that Terfs will swoop in and try to turn the trans partner into someone selfish and evil who is punishing the other person and how their relationship is doomed. These transphobes use this “mourning” language to spread transphobia. The sky is falling “how will my relationship survive??” posts are generally overblown and stoked by transphobia. More obviously, comparing a change in gender to death is directly linking transitioning to something to inherently negative in our society rather than a neutral act.

I often have to stop myself from going onto these posts and asking, “Do you actually love your partner or do you love their gender/status?” Gender, to me, is like a beard or hair. It’s a piece of their identity, but it can change and that change doesn’t change who I am. All pieces of your identity or your partner’s identity are subject to change. At any moment, you or your partner could become disabled, and that is a major change of identity. Would you go onto Reddit and act like your partner becoming disabled was some plot to stick it to you? Sadly, I know some would.

What was the point of this ramble? I’m not 100% sure, but I want to put this into perspective because I have seen it way too much lately. As someone who is a trans person and someone with a trans partner, I find it offensive, and I hope that as a society, we can become better by actually being introspective about our identities and realize that we aren’t a mirror for others. We are who we are on the inside, for better or worse.