Opinions Needed!

Okay, peeps, I need your opinions because I have hit a deadlock between two groups.

I am currently reworking the blurb for The Earl and the Artificer. Now that I’m over a third through, I don’t feel that the original blurb reflects the story. What I am hoping is that you, dear reader, can help me decide which blurb intrigues you as a reader more. As a side note, the first line is the book’s tagline. Here are the two versions:

Option A:

What mysteries lay buried beneath weeds and dust?

Eilian Sorrell wants nothing more than to leave England, but at the insistence of his mother, he and his new bride travel to his abandoned ancestral home. After an uneventful wedding, Eilian and Hadley should have foreseen the trouble waiting for them at Brasshurst Hall where the house and the quaint neighboring village are not what they seem.

Behind a mask of good manners and gentle breeding lurks a darker side of Folkesbury. As Eilian and Hadley struggle to fit in with the village’s genteel society, they find everyone is at the mercy of Randall Nash, a man who collects secrets.

When the village blackmailer turns up dead, the Sorrells become entangled in murder, theft, and intrigue with the manor at the heart of it all. Something long thought lost and buried within Brasshurst’s history has been found—something worth killing for.

Option B:

What mysteries lay buried beneath weeds and dust?

Following their wedding, Eilian and Hadley Sorrell journey to Brasshurst Hall, his family’s abandoned ancestral home. As Eilian struggles to reconcile his new roles as husband and earl, he finds the house and the surrounding town of Folkesbury are not as they first appear.

Rumors spread that Brasshurst’s greenhouse contains an ancient plant believed to be extinct since Nero’s reign, but each time Eilian comes close to uncovering the truth, he is thwarted by Randall Nash, a man known for unearthing and hoarding secrets.

Soon, Eilian and Hadley become entangled in a web of murder, theft, and intrigue that they may never escape with the manor at the heart of it all. Something long thought lost and buried within Brasshurst’s history has been found—something worth killing for.

I’d love to know which one would make you more likely to pick up the book and read on, so please post your opinion in the comments to let me know which you like better. Also, if you have any feedback about either blurb, I would greatly appreciate it.

Published by Kara Jorgensen

Kara Jorgensen is an author and professional student from New Jersey who will probably die slumped over a Victorian novel. An anachronistic oddball from birth, she has always had an obsession with the Victorian era, especially the 1890s. Midway through a dissection in a college anatomy class, Kara realized her true passion was writing and decided to marry her love of literature and science through science fiction or, more specifically, steampunk. When she is not writing, she is watching period dramas, going to museums, or babying her beloved dogs. Books: The Earl of Brass The Winter Garden (coming Spring 2015)

10 thoughts on “Opinions Needed!

  1. Honestly, I’d suggest finishing the book before you worry about it much. That said, do it this way:
    —-
    What mysteries lay buried beneath weeds and dust?

    Following their wedding, Eilian and Hadley Sorrell journey to Brasshurst Hall, his family’s abandoned ancestral home. As Eilian struggles to reconcile his new roles as husband and earl, he finds the house and the surrounding town of Folkesbury are not as they first appear.

    Behind a mask of good manners and gentle breeding lurks a darker side of Folkesbury. As Eilian and Hadley struggle to fit in with the village’s genteel society, they find everyone is at the mercy of Randall Nash, a man who collects secrets.

    Soon, Eilian and Hadley become entangled in a web of murder, theft, and intrigue that they may never escape, with the manor at the heart of it all. Something long thought lost and buried within Brasshurst’s history has been found—something worth killing for.

    1. I definitely like that mash-up of the two blurbs. It seems odd to bother with it before the book is done, but I want to start promoting it ahead of time. Plus, the book I’m reading mentioned blurbs, which inspired me to work on it again. I wrote the first one when I was maybe three chapters in.

      1. BTW I read Winter Garden and left a review on Goodreads!! I have to admit that I liked this book more than The Earl Of Brass. For some reason, it just pulled me in more as a reader. Can’t wait for the next one! 🙂

      2. Thanks, Steph! I greatly appreciate it =) I actually like The Winter Garden more than EoB too, writing it and reading it, lol.

  2. I like Luther’s version best – it’s the most punchy. The other ones are both a bit TMI. But having said that, I prefer the second of those. And both are intriguing, for sure!

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