ND – Kara Jorgensen

As we head into the holiday gift-giving season, I thought I would make a list of some cool things to buy the neurodivergent in your life. I posted about this last year on Bluesky, and a lot of people found it helpful, so I thought I might share it here.

Disclaimers: the links are affiliate links, so I get a little kickback if you buy anything. Also, every neurodivergent person in your life is different. These are base ideas, not something that will appeal to everyone. The idea is that you can take these and use them as a springboard for buying things for others or padding out the gifts you plan to get them.

Silicone plate dividers– These silicone plate dividers keep your wet food and dry food from touching. They’re dishwasher safe and come in multiple colors.
A divided cereal bowl– A divided cereal bowl keeps your cereal and your milk separate. It’s a great way to avoid soggy food. Also useful for yogurt and toppings or just having chips/dip that don’t touch.
A dip holder– I promise this is the last food related one, but keeping your wets from touching your dries is always a thing. This is a little container that clips to your plate and will hold your sauce.
A weighted blanket– This one comes in lots of cute colors and patterns. I do suggest getting a cover for your weighted blanket, so you don’t need to throw a 15 lb blanket in your washing machine (it is chaos)
A duvet cover for the weighted blanket– This is so you don’t need to throw a 15 lb blanket into the washing machine (it takes FOREVER for them to dry if you do and will make your washer and dryer shake/walk, trust me this is worth it).
A shark robe/snuggie thing– If you’re friend is trans and ND, this is a silly one but trust me on it, they’ll think it’s hilarious. Plus, being able to pull a giant hood over your head is just chef kiss
The Comfy– My partner swears by the Comfy when they’re overstimulated (and perpetually cold). It’s oversized, and you can basically crawl into it or pull the hood over your head. It’s soft, warm, no weird fabrics or irritating strings.
A moon lamp– Sometimes you just need to lay in the dark with some soft colorful lighting. This lamp has a clicker with different colors. It’s very peaceful and aesthetic, especially if they’re into space stuff.
A human-sized dog bed– Do you like floor time, but you have the back/neck of a 30+ year old? Try the human sized dog bed.
A Japanese futon/tatami mat– Same idea as the human dog bed for floor time, but it’s easier to roll up and put away. It’s also more expensive, though bigger.
Color, Taste, Texture by Matthew Broberg Moffitt– A cookbook to help with someone who has food aversions/sensitivities by helping them figure out what they can/can’t tolerate and building from there.
Loop earplugs– to lessen sound without making you completely unable to hear. They come in many colors and levels of blockage.
A hug blanket– If you aren’t a fan of weighted blankets but like compression that isn’t too hot, this is a good alternative as it’s much lighter and more like a sleeve.
A timer cube– I like them for getting past bad executive dysfunction or for telling myself, I just need to clean for 15 min, etc. Caveat: the noise is hideous, like an alarm clock.
A grocery list pad for the fridge– If you forget what you’re out of, I like to put this on the fridge with a magnetic pen, so I can mark off what we’re out of when I notice. It’s a good way to avoid a 5 soy sauce bottles situation.
Safe and Sound by Mercury Stardust- Not necessarily ND specific, but I like being able to do things on my own with clear, step-by-step written instructions and accompanying videos. The Trans Handy Ma’am’s book has been helpful with basic home repair.
Noise-cancelling headphones– because noise = overstimulation. Some are far more expensive, but these are a good basic pair. They can get SUPER pricey
Other ideas:
- Buy things relating to their special interest.
- Give them a gift card to a place they like if they don’t like surprises.
- Do not buy an experience with a date unless you’ve talked to them about it before.
- More of their [nonperishable] safe food.
- Ask them what they want. We appreciate it.

I’m starting to think the path of least resistance and the road to hell are the same thing. With what is going on in Palestine and my own country’s various issues, the vast majority of which stem from white supremacist ideology, I’m happily putting a stake through the heart of my palatability.

I’ve never been a people pleaser. To be a people pleaser, you have to actually please people, and when you were born weird and slightly arrogant, that doesn’t come easily. Typically, people pleasers will blend in with whomever they’re around, letting go of their edges and corners until they’re palatable. At this point in my life, I’ve decided to grow out my points.

At 32, I’m tired of making myself smaller to make other people comfortable. I got a taste of this in college as the student who always raised their hand and received dirty looks and snide remarks from my classmates. Frankly, I didn’t care. The eye-rollers were assholes, so I ignored them. Unfortunately, going to a very neurotypical-staffed grad program and then an abysmal job market eroded my “I don’t give a shit about other people’s opinions of me” attitude. Pretending I was normal (or masking, as we say in the neurodivergent world) sucks. It’s soul-sucking and wrong to the point that I burnt myself out playing normal. When I finally gave up and told my students that I’m autistic and queer and acted more myself, I ended up having a much better relationship with them. A weight had been lifted, and there was no going back if I could help it.

On the writing front, I’ve been far less willing to blend. I saw a post back in October where a new author was worrying that their audience might not align with their political views, so they decided to just not say anything. The knee-jerk reaction I had to the cowardice dripping from the post made me set my phone down. My first thought was, “Oof, I guess you’re white, cis, straight, and Christian.” Only someone whose identity aligns with the political “norm” would have such a shitty take. I used to be upset when I received homophobic reviews on my first few books. At this point, I smear so much queerness and neurodivergence across my books and online posts that someone would have to purposely ignore it to not see it. If you’re conservative and reading my books, you’re probably hate-reading, and I still have your money in my pocket, so *shrug* go ahead and leave a review that lures in queer readers.

Art is political. What we do or don’t include, who we do or don’t portray and how all gives a glimpse into our politics. If you want to sanitize your work to make it palatable for everyone, there is no chance that you’re creating anything worthwhile. Is it worth it to hack off your edges to make a few more bucks?

While I may not be immediately clocked as queer or nonbinary in the wild, I still stick out as a mask-wearer. I’m immunosuppressed, but even if I wasn’t, the science says we should avoid the plague at all costs if we want to maintain our and our loved one’s health. Masking is community care, and if you’re someone who feels strongly about racial equality or disability justice, you should be masking. You can’t be an ally to communities of color and not mask when they are more likely to have worse outcomes than white people. I don’t care if it’s weird or people think it’s over the top. It’s no skin off my nose to put a mask on when I’m at work or the store. It’s the least I can do.

I’d like it if everyone could take a look at themselves and figure out what parts of themselves they’ve been sanding off to make themselves more palatable and why. Obviously, if you’re in an unsafe situation, you should do what you have to in order to preserve your life/sanity, but for those of us able to step out of line or march to our own beat, we should stop trying to be palatable.

Being palatable is blending in, being palatable means not making waves, being palatable allows genocides to unfold, whether they be of queer people, Palestinian people, disabled people, and I’m not about that life.

Tag: ND

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On Not Being Palatable