A Woman of Principle

August 22, 2014August 23, 2014 Kara Jorgensen1 Comment

On my blogs and page, I try as a rule not to get too political on my author page or blog, but a recent event has refused to leave my mind, leaving me to purge it through writing.

One of the authors I know from the writing groups I am a part of on Facebook sent me a link to a blog tour service that was hosting a tour for a steampunk novel and was looking for blogs that would be willing to do the advertising posts. Obviously, I want to support and network with other steampunk writers, so I checked it out. The book looked okay. I’m not a fan of advertising something I haven’t actually read, but at that point, I was willing to give the author a chance based on the blurb. The only thing was, I couldn’t figure out how to sign up for the tour, so I went onto the their contact and information page. As I scrolled, I came across the thing that completely soured my feelings toward that book blog tour host, No M/M, F/F, or M/F/M.

For those who are unfamiliar with the terminology, that basically means no stories involving same sex or bisexual protagonists or love interests. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t bring myself to sign up for the tour and quickly clicked off the web page. From the time I understood what being gay meant, I have been a strong supporter of LGBT rights and marriage. Many of my friends are gay, and two of my characters in The Winter Garden comprise a gay couple who is dealing with their relationship in a world that does not approve of them. How could I, a supporter of the LGBT community, work with a company that outright excludes them? I couldn’t.

When we exclude certain types of fiction, what are we saying to those who choose to write about their experiences or the experiences of others? Your story isn’t worth telling. I don’t want to hear it. No one wants to read it if it’s about that. In this day and age, diverse books are a necessity. By writing and reading about characters who are a different ethnicity, sexuality, or religion as yourself, you are learning empathy and stepping into their shoes as you go from cover to cover. When you say no gay or bisexual protagonists, you are telling every bisexual or gay reader or writer that comes across that site that they are unacceptable. The anti-gay sentiment from many book blogs and reviewers follows in the vein of the prejudicial sentiments of the 1960s. Diversity in characters and novels is a necessity, and having open-minded reviewers and book programs will only further that goal. I hope you will not ignore books solely on the sexuality or ethnicity or a characters within. I will not state the name of the blog tour and take away their livelihood or slander them, but I will boycott them. I will not participate in anything that excludes those who are in need of support.

Personal Life · Writing

Portrait of the Artist: From Biology Major to MFA

August 14, 2014August 15, 2014 Kara Jorgensen4 Comments

Last week I was gruching about a scene that was giving me trouble to my aunt, and she said, “You know, you don’t have to do this if it isn’t fun anymore.” For a moment, I just stared at her. Just because I’m complaining about writing being difficult doesn’t mean I want to throw in the towel. The idea of stopping never even crossed my mind.

As with many writers, I don’t write because I want to please my fans or make money off it but because I feel compelled to. It’s a compulsion, an itch that can only be silenced by reading and writing. During the semester when graduate school has taken over my life, I feel the unmistakeable misery of not being able to scratch that itch and write (usually I end up foregoing reading for class and write a bit throughout the day).

From the time I was about ten years old, I have been writing stories. Over the years, the amount I write has waxed and waned depending on my circumstances, but it has been present over the last thirteen years. When I was in high school, I had a few lousy English teachers who killed my love of writing and reading to the point that I never thought of becoming an English major in college. Creative writing was kept under the wraps since I didn’t write about teenage-appropriate topics like sports, romance, and angst. If the guidance counselor saw my stories full of epic battles or the one about a young woman who deals with her friend’s suicide attempt, I would probably would have been sent to counseling. Somehow I feared college would be the same.

It wasn’t though. I went into college as a biology major with dreams of becoming a doctor who specialized in reconstructive surgery, and honestly, I did well in my biology classes and even earned an award from the department. In my freshman year, I met a wonderful professor who happened to be the head of the English department. She took me under her wing and nurtured my insecure talent until finally in the second half of my sophomore year I chose to double major in English as well. During my time as an undergraduate, I contributed to the school’s literary magazine as well as worked on it, was a writing tutor, and spoke at two literature conferences (one on scifi and fantasy and one on Medieval literature).

Much to my father’s dismay, becoming a doctor faded away the moment a Norton anthology was put in my hands. I finished my degree in biology but immediately applied to a graduate school with an MFA program in creative writing. While biology could have provided me with a stable income should I have pursued it, I knew I would have been miserable. I needed to write, I needed to read. It pulled me and compelled me and was the one thing I did that felt completely natural. Call me hedonistic, but my life has been guided by what makes me happy and so far it has worked for me. My mom has a job that pays well, but she isn’t truly happy there. If I see how doing what is expected can lead to misery, why should I follow the trail of money if I do not have to?

My question is, do we do what makes us happy or do we try to live up to the status quo?

Personal Life

The Jane Austen Protest

January 8, 2013July 29, 2014 Kara Jorgensen2 Comments

Marriage, marriage, marriage. It’s enough to make your head explode. Being an English major, I have been subjected to reading literature from the Regency period to the Victorian era, on my own and while under duress, and all I can say is, what is so bad about not getting married?! I do understand that it was a product of the time period, and women needed to be monetarily provided for by either a husband or male relative. It just aggravates me that even today women believe that a husband is the be all and end all of their lives. Before I get accused of being a bitter single woman, I have a long term boyfriend that I love dearly…who feels we should get married one day.

I truthfully don’t understand the need. Maybe it’s because I have Asperger’s Syndrome and somehow don’t grasp the norm, but the idea of getting married has always bothered me. It’s a piece of paper that says I can now file taxes with you and the state has a record of us being a couple in case we decide to call it quits. Then, I wonder if I just tell myself this to legitimize my insecurities. I despise the thought of standing in front of everyone and being dragged to a party while being dressed in formal wear just to appease other people’s desire for normalcy. Is my bitterness about this subject due to a fear of not enjoying this whole process and ruining it for my partner? Probably. I know when I get stressed, I am unpleasant to say the least, and this ugliness and is usually directed full-force at my unassuming boyfriend because subconsciously I know that he may get mad at me, but he’ll still love me unconditionally and won’t keep bringing up that I had a nasty moment.

I am scared that I will look ugly, that I will pick things because I am under duress and want to get out as quickly as possible but hate my choices later. I fear losing myself in the process or becoming a monster because I am a stressed-out control-freak that cannot let go and trust others or herself to make the correct choices. I am indecisive, to the point that I can’t even decide how I feel about my life in general. I immerse myself in school work and getting ready for graduate school and a possible doctorate in the future. If I stay in school, I will never have to grow up and face life, or at least that is the not-so-subconscious mentality. I can stave off engagement and marriage if I don’t have a job and live with my parents.

I’m torn between ruining things for my significant other and possibly making myself incredibly miserable for a certain amount of time. The thought of this makes me hyperventilate and pace inside my head (I’ve gotten really good at masking anxiety and stimming). I don’t think marriage would change anything in our relationship, besides him wanting to get our own place, but that scares me because change is a scary uncertainty.

I hate the idea of unwanted attention. People asking me questions, looking a hundred times happier than I am about the whole thing. I’m not a person that gets excited about anything or looks happier than content most of the time. I fear not looking happy enough and having people assume that I am not happy in my relationship or have cold feet. In the past, my lack of excitement has caused me to appear as an ingrate or unhappy when I really was content, so now I’m paranoid about not exuding happiness.

I try to convince myself I don’t want things, but I’m not sure if I don’t want them or I just don’t want the attention associated with them. Do I let other people ruin things for me? Sometimes I wish I could live by myself with just me and my dog and my writing because it would be so much simpler albeit lonelier.

I try to rationalize that everyone gets cold feet, but this isn’t cold feet. I don’t want to abandon my relationship, I just have an incredible amount of anxiety about dealing with this sort of thing. A part of me wonders if my flip-flopping between fantasizing about a possible wedding and damning all things white and traditional comes from some Asperger’s traits. People often talk about aspies as only seeing things as black or white, and often I feel I see a wedding as love or hate. I don’t know how to formulate a middle ground in this case, and to me, that is a horrible feeling like a lack of mental control.

For now, I still am not sure how I feel, but through this little self-“talking cure”, I have at least reasoned out some things about myself and what affects my thinking. Sorry about this rant, any advice is appreciated… except the suggestion of eloping.