Author: Kara Jorgensen

Kara Jorgensen (they/them) is a queer, nonbinary oddball with a penchant for all things antiquated, morbid, or just plain strange. While in college, they realized they no longer wanted to be Victor Frankenstein but instead wanted to write like Mary Shelley and thus abandoned their future career in science for writing. They meld their passions through their books and received an MFA in Creative and Professional Writing in 2016. When not writing, they can be found hanging out with their dogs watching period dramas or trying to convince their students to cite their sources. To find out more about her books go to https://karajorgensen.com Sign-up for her newsletter and get a free short story: eepurl.com/bfJTW9

A Preview of The Reanimator’s Soul (TRM#2)

October 15, 2023October 8, 2023 Kara Jorgensen1 Comment

The Reanimator’s Soul, book 2 in the Reanimator’s Mysteries series, comes out October 24th! If you would like to preorder it, you can do so here, and paperbacks will be available closer to release day. To whet your appetite, here is the prologue for The Reanimator’s Soul.

Prologue

The Test

Herman Judd awoke in the dark. For a long moment, he lay there, distantly wondering if he was dead and staring into blackness was all the afterlife had to offer. His breath rattled in his chest, sending a throbbing pain through his neck and into his arm. The dead didn’t breathe, and they didn’t feel pain, as far as he knew. Even without light enough to see, he knew he wasn’t where he was supposed to be. Blinking, he tried to remember. He was fairly certain he had gotten dressed for work that morning, but everything beyond eating breakfast in the clinic’s dining room felt hazy and grey. Wherever he was, it was too dark to be the dormitories and too quiet to be one of the wards. There was always light, even at night, and surely, he would have heard the moans of the sick or the quiet chatter of the nurses and orderlies by now.

Slowly sitting up, Herman let out a groan as his head swam. There was nothing to ground him in the disorienting darkness except the pain radiating from the base of his skull. It ran into his shoulder and down into his arm, where it felt as if a swarm of fire ants was gnawing at his nerves. Am I blind? The panicked thought quickly abated as he raised his uninjured hand and saw its shadow ahead of him in the dark. Not blind but hurt. How? A chill washed over him as he batted away the sheet covering his chest and arms. Whatever the reason, he had to get out. Something was wrong. Every hair on his body stood on end as he groped along the icy ceramic table beneath him for anything that might tell him where he was. Inching ahead, his fingertips brushed something solid. He grabbed it and snatched his hand away with a shudder at the alien yet horribly familiar sensation. A body. No longer a person but inert flesh, dead and already cooling. He had dealt with enough bodies in Green-Wood Cemetery to know what they felt like, and he swore he would never wake one again.

Herman’s mind reeled as he scrambled away toward the table’s unseen edge, putting as much distance between him and the body as he could. This had to be a mistake. Or a prank. Yes, he must have fallen asleep on a gurney, and Joe decided to teach him a lesson by parking him in the morgue. Herman pressed a hand to the base of his skull, then ran his fingers down his prickling, half-numb arm. But he didn’t remember falling asleep. Then again, he didn’t remember getting hurt either. Taking one step too far, his legs collided with a cart of tools. They hit the floor with a resounding clatter that sent a jolt of pain through his temple. For a long moment, Herman stood frozen cradling his arm. When no one came, he released a tremulous breath.

Carefully stepping over the fallen tools, he groped forward in the absolute darkness until his fingers brushed the cool plaster of the wall. He tried to imagine what the morgue beneath the clinic looked like. He had only been down there once, and it was months ago. The day he arrived at the Institute for the Betterment of the Soul, the doctor had brought him down to the basement and asked him to demonstrate his powers. The doctor’s gaze on him had been so unnerving he scarcely breathed, let alone memorized the layout of the room. Herman opened his mouth to call out but stopped. If he yelled for help and Joe or the others found him, they would know how much they had shaken him by leaving him with all the bodies. No one else knew about his powers, and they wouldn’t if Herman had anything to do about it. That was the whole reason any of them had come to the institute: to be normal.

Or you could send one of them to find the door, Herman’s mind traitorously whispered as he stepped forward and his fingers brushed against the metal cabinets that housed those yet unclaimed. If he closed his eyes, he could feel them calling to him like a siren’s song. At Green-Wood, he could walk past a mausoleum and tell exactly how many people were in it. Now that his head had cleared, he could sense one hidden in the cabinets and the body on the table behind him. This time, there would be no jewelry or valuables for them to hand over, but if he told them to find the door, they would answer his call. The temptation to reach for his powers welled inside him for the first time in months, as natural as breathing. Before, he had been thankful to feel normal for a time, to not feel the constant surge of magic beneath his skin, but standing afraid in the dark, the tendril of energy reaching across the void for the nearest body was a welcome comfort. Even after everything, his powers would still come if he needed them. Herman’s eyes snapped open as pain lanced through the base of his skull. Rearing back with a yelp, he yanked the energy back, and it scattered like beads from a string.

The thought came through the fog with sudden clarity: his being in the morgue wasn’t a mistake or a prank; it was a test. Perhaps the doctor had left him in the morgue to see what he would do. If he used his powers to find his way out, it would only confirm Herman needed more rounds of the stronger treatment to break him of this insidious habit. He had only had that regimen once, and it had left him sick for weeks. He had been so exhausted that even the thought of going to the graveyard again, no matter how good the potential haul, left him seconds from vomiting. The doctors only prescribed it to those who wouldn’t submit and still relied on their unnatural propensities instead of their senses and wits.

Squaring his shoulders, Herman straightened. He had both senses and wits. He didn’t need the mindless dead to do his bidding because he was afraid of the dark. It was like the doctors said, if the treatments didn’t work, it was because he wasn’t trying hard enough. He didn’t plan on letting the doctors down. No, this time, he was going to prove his mother and everyone else who doubted him wrong. Inch by inch, he made his way across the seemingly endless room. With each step, his breathing grew louder in his ears and the urge to reach for the dead fluttered to the surface. When his hand brushed against the cold metal of the doorknob, he shuddered with relief. Herman’s heart pounded in his ears as he fumbled with the lock and stumbled into the long hall to find the basement empty as a tomb. The door quietly clicked shut behind him as he took a step into the dim light. Confirming he was alone, Herman leaned against the wall and drew in a shaky breath. A thin laugh escaped his lips. He had done it. He had escaped the morgue without using his powers. He passed the test.

Herman’s heavy steps echoed through the basement as he made his way to the freight elevator at the end of the hall. His finger still hovered above the button when the gears squealed to life. The elevator rumbled and hissed like a steam engine as it descended, shaking the ground beneath Herman’s feet. Through the metal grate, he could see a man inside. For a moment, he thought it might be Joe, but the instant he caught a flash of the other man’s fair hair in the gloom, he knew it was the doctor. That familiar flicker of trepidation passed through him as the other man’s eyes raked over his form from behind the cage door. As always, the doctor was inscrutable, his face a mask of stillness that betrayed nothing. Herman hated that he never knew what he was thinking. Most of his other bosses or marks he had no trouble reading, but never the doctor.

When the elevator shuddered to a stop and the doctor yanked open the grate, Herman plastered on a wide grin. “Sir, I think I’m cured! You left me in the morgue, and I didn’t wake a single one!”

The doctor stared at him for a long, calculating moment before he said, “Let’s speak inside, Mr. Judd.” Ignoring his pained gasp, he grabbed Herman’s arm and pulled him back toward the morgue. “Has anyone seen you?”

Herman shook his head.

“Good. We wouldn’t want anyone to hear about the nature of your problem, would we?”

“No— no, sir. Of course not.”

“Then, how fortunate that I was on my way to check on you.”

“Could we talk upstairs instead?” Herman asked but immediately regretted it when the doctor gave him a sharp look.

“The more you avoid it, the less I believe you. If you’re cured, as you say, I’m sure you wouldn’t mind being in the morgue a few minutes more.”

“Yes, sir,” he murmured as the doctor unlocked the door and ushered him inside.

The sudden brightness as he threw on the lights made the back of Herman’s head throb anew, but the moment he opened his eyes, they landed on the half-covered body on the table. The current of power within him surfaced again, begging him to let it help, let it reach for the dead. If he raised the dead, he could still run, and he would never have to worry about the doctor or his all-seeing gaze ever again. He would find new cemeteries to rob far away from here, and he could start over alone. But the voice inside of him was that of a criminal, a liar, and a freak. Silencing the voice, Herman ripped his gaze away from the body and turned to find the doctor watching him as he kicked the fallen instruments aside. Herman stifled the urge to flinch under the other man’s gaze. Even after six months, it still unsettled him, the way the doctor seemed to look through him rather than at him. At times, it felt like he was dissecting him with his eyes, as if he could peel apart his layers and see what lay beneath. The doctor treated him for those thoughts as well. His fanciful ideas and paranoia were a weakness of character, among many others.

“Tell me about your experience, Mr. Judd. You said you believe you’re cured?” the doctor began as he dropped his ring, cufflinks, and tie pin into a wooden box on the counter.

Herman straightened. “Yes, sir. Or close to it. I used only my sense and wits to get out of the room. I didn’t touch any of the bodies.”

“Are you certain?” the doctor asked, his gaze lingering on the disturbed sheet.

“I didn’t wake any of them. I didn’t know where I was at first and touched that one, but that was it.” Swallowing hard, Herman chose his words carefully. The doctor seemed to know when people like him were lying, and he wanted to be better. He wanted to be free of this. All he had to do was stay out of morgues and graveyards. “I— I was tempted, but I resisted.”

“Ah, but you are still tempted,” the doctor replied as he rolled up his sleeves.

Herman’s heart pounded in his ears. He couldn’t have the stronger treatment, not again. He would rather go back to jail than go through that again. “Only a little, but that means the treatments are working, right? It’s been six months. How long do you think it will take before my powers disappear completely and I’m cured?”

“You have been an especially hard case, Mr. Judd. You have reformed as far as you are capable, but ultimately, you may not have the strength of character needed to be free of it completely.”

“No, I can do it, sir.” His injured arm flashed with pain, but he ignored it along with the desperation in his voice. “I’ll even submit to the stronger treatments again. Please, don’t give up on me. I don’t want to be like this.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Judd. This isn’t a decision I take lightly, but we will have to terminate your position.”

“No, please, I need this. I can’t go back. I can’t.” When the doctor took a step toward him, Herman instinctively shrunk back. He shouldn’t have moved; he was only proving the doctor’s case, but every fiber of his being told him to run at the cold, assessing look in the other man’s eye. “I don’t understand. I passed the test. I didn’t use my powers.”

“Don’t worry, you will be put to a far greater use.”

The doctor’s smile should have put him at ease. A far greater use. Maybe he would send him to work at the sanatorium in Long Island. His heart pounded as if his body knew what his brain could not accept. Herman’s back hit the door. The doctor watched him with his head cocked and a faint smile playing on his lips as a light sparked in his hand. Herman watched in horror as veins of electricity raced up the doctor’s fingers and pooled in his palms. No. No, it couldn’t be true. The doctors weren’t supposed to have powers. They created the treatments; they were the successes the others were supposed to aspire to become.

“You’re a—”

A mocking grin stretched across his lips as electricity crackled down his hand and reached for the world beyond. “Yes, fortunately, dead men can’t tell secrets. Now, can they, Mr. Judd?”

Before Herman could turn for the door, the doctor shoved his palm into his chest. The air ripped from his throat as every nerve in his body sang. His muscles clenched as he futilely struggled against the doctor’s hold. His powers groped for the nearest corpse, but before he could reach, his wildly beating heart seized and fell silent. The smell of burnt flesh and hair drifted to his nose as he hit the ground. The world narrowed to the black rubber of the doctor’s boots as Herman Judd released a final, shuddering breath and saw no more.

Once again, The Reanimator’s Soul comes out October 24th. If you would like to preorder it, you can do so here.

Why Oliver is Important Rep to Me

October 8, 2023October 6, 2023 Kara Jorgensen1 Comment

As is a common theme with people from marginalized groups, growing up, I didn’t see any autistic characters in fiction (or at least none that read as overtly autistic). Of course, we have plenty of hyperfocused, brilliant characters like the inventor from Flubber or Milo from Atlantis, but those characters didn’t really portray the struggles of being autistic. While I wouldn’t want to be neurotypical, being autistic in a society built for neurotypicals means always feeling like you don’t fully grasp a situation or that everyone seems to know things innately that you do not. These characters didn’t show that. Everyone likes to dunk on Sheldon from Big Bang Theory for being fairly sucky rep as he’s a self-centered asshole, but I did appreciate that Sheldon struggles with things the others find “normal” because he’s autistic. Overtly autistic characters who aren’t just slightly quirky geniuses were practically non-existent.

Then, there’s also a multifaceted element of spite.

For background, I’ve known I was autistic since I was about fourteen. I figured it out on my own and took steps up until official diagnosis because, frankly, being officially diagnosed can make your life harder and it’s costly, so I haven’t gone for a full evaluation. But I have known for a over half my life that I am autistic. The college I went to for my bachelors has a degree in ABA, and when I realized what ABA was, I was like HELL NO (if you don’t know, please look into why ABA is traumatic and basically conversion therapy for autistics). On top of that, a woman in my graduating class who is NT wrote a picture book about an autistic girl’s experiences, and I was just… less than thrilled that no one was critiquing the fact that she was writing from an autistic perspective when she isn’t autistic. She’s just someone who wants to be a special education teacher. Autistics get talked over a lot in regards to our experiences and lives, and after trying to write more neurotypical characters, I decided to lean into neurodivergence in my writing.

If you look back at my first book, The Earl of Brass, it’s pretty obvious that Eilian is AuDHD (ADHD + autism). At the time, I had wanted to portray him as someone with ADHD, but when I look back, I realize he’s probably autistic too with his special interests, food issues, and some sensory issues. Hadley, the love interest in that story, also comes off as autistic. Oops.

When I decided to write The Reanimator’s Heart, I made the purposeful choice for the first time to make a character overtly autistic. I wanted Oliver to be someone who embodies my experiences as an autistic person. I wanted a character who is an adult, and a queer adult at that, who moves through life trying to take care of himself while managing a job, friends/relationships, and his own needs. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t need accommodations. The Paranormal Society’s building provides him an isolated bedroom off his laboratory, and a quiet room in the library appears where he can calm down when overstimulated. Even with his closest relationships, Oliver still needs help sometimes, but neither Gwen nor Felipe belittle or infantalize him. Despite having help and setting his life up in such a way that he isn’t constantly burnout, he still gets overstimulated or has a shutdown.

Ultimately though, Oliver is an adult man with a job he is good at and a partner who loves and supports him. So much of what we see about autism is aimed at the neurotypical parents of autistic children, which leads to autistic adults being infantalized by professionals and other adults. It is something I despise and many other autistics, regardless of support needs, despise. I wanted to have Oliver be clearly an adult who still struggles with sensory issues or losing his ability to speak when upset due to being autistic, but he still is able to live fairly autonomously and be successful in his job and love life. I’ve also made it very clear throughout both books in this series (book 2 comes out October 24th, btw) that his partner, Felipe, loves and supports him. He doesn’t find Oliver to be a burden, and expresses that to him when Oliver fears he is one. Often in stories, neurodivergent characters are seen as annoying or burdensome to their partners, and I wanted to make it clear to other autistic readers that they aren’t burdens and that there are people out there who will love them because of their quirks, not in spite of them.

Oliver is the rep I needed as a twenty year old and still need now, and my hope is that other autistic people will see themselves in him too.

Book Reviews · Monthly Review · the reanimator's soul

September 2023 Wrap-Up Blog

October 1, 2023October 1, 2023 Kara Jorgensen2 Comments

In September, I finally feel like I found my footing again. With all my major book launch/release prep out of the way, I am looking forward to The Reanimator’s Soul coming out October 24th, in time for spooky season. As a recap, here were my goals for September:

blog weekly
monthly newsletter
read 8 books
maintain mental health by gaming, reading, or crafting when necessary
stay on top of grading
Edit The Reanimator’s Soul

Books

My goal was to read 8 book this month, and I read 8 total.

The Dragon’s Betrothed (#1) by Meguru Hinohara- 4 stars, a blocked up writer returns to his family home only to find out he is supposed to be a dragon’s bride. Hi-jinks ensue as the dragon tries to persuade him to give him a shot and it eventually becomes steamy.
The Dragon’s Betrothed (#2) by Meguru Hinohara- 4 stars, see above.
Night Spinner (#1) by Addie Thorley- 3 stars, an ex-soldier finds her loyalties cannot so easily lie with her old troops after falling in with a band of Robin Hood-like deserters. I found the world-building to be… meh, and while the tone is YA, the ages feel very off for the story.
Akata Woman (#3) by Nnedi Okorafor- 3 stars, a young woman finds she is far more than she appeared and must steal back a mystical book to appease a spider god that threatens to destroy her world. While I enjoyed this, I found the world-building to be all over the place compared to previous books.
Fangs by Sarah Anderson- 4 stars, cute vignettes between a vampire and a werewolf, very fluffy.
Mammoths at the Gate (#4) by Nghi Vo- 4 stars, Chih returns to their monastery to find their home a mess as the head monk has died and the relatives want more than the monastery can give. A wonderful look at grief and the transformative power of love and devotion.
Princess Floralinda and the Forty-Flight Tower by Tamsyn Muir- 5 stars, Princess Bride meets Adventure Time as a princess saves herself with the help of a sassy pixie. Hilarious and weird.
The Candles are Burning (#6) by Veronica G. Henry- 4 stars, a horror short story set in the South, featuring a recent widow who must trick the devil to save her soul. Very atmospheric.

Admin/Behind-the-Scenes Stuff

The Reanimator’s Heart made it to the final round of BBNYA 2023!
The Reanimator’s Heart was the queer romance book club pick at Meet Cute Bookshop
I ran a sale on The Reanimator’s Heart and a Bookbub ad
Finished playing Venba and Assemble With Care (both are available on Steam)
Finished writing the last little bit of The Reanimator’s Soul
Edited The Reanimator’s Soul twice/two rounds
Proofread The Reanimator’s Soul
Prepared and sent out ARCs for The Reanimator’s Soul
Formatted the paperback interior for The Reanimator’s Soul
Contacted my cover designer for the paperback cover for The Reanimator’s Soul
Got my covid booster
Did a bunch of event admin stuff for work
Beta read someone else’s book

Blogs Posted

Writing

Writing and editing went really well, which always scares me a bit. In my defense, The Reanimator’s Soul was a book that I spent a lot of time on, so the “done” draft ended up being fairly clean. When I keep going back and fiddling, I make less of a mess for myself at the end of the process. Another thing that I think worked in my favor for the editing process was that a) I enjoy editing, especially since I edit as I go. b) I made of list of things I needed to add/tweak as I finishing the book up, which made it far easier to go back and run through.

I’m not going to lie, I really like this book. The emotional arcs for Felipe and Oliver are as important as the mystery. There’s a bit less action than the last book, but I feel like that’s to be expected and is ultimately good for balance since I don’t want the feel of the books to be too homogenous/identical. It’s about coming to terms with being chronically ill/disabled, realizing you can be loved as an autistic person without changing who you are, setting boundaries, and how medicine can uphold white supremacy. Sadly, these things don’t look sexy on a marketing picture, so I rarely get to talk about them, but those are the core things the book is about.

Hopes for October

Post/market consistently before The Reanimator’s Soul releases October 24th
Do all the paperback setup for The Reanimator’s Soul once I have the final cover
Have a great launch for The Reanimator’s Soul
Write side/follow-up story for my newsletter subscribers (TRM #2.5)
Get ball rolling on the audiobook of The Reanimator’s Soul
Read 8 books
Send out my October newsletter
Finish putting together my Halloween plastic canvas village sets (I have one building left and need to hot glue others together)
Decide if I want to do anything NaNoWriMo related in November, despite it being a month from hell for me usually (aka is Kara feeling masochistic)

the reanimator's soul · Writing

One Month Until The Reanimator’s Soul

September 24, 2023September 23, 2023 Kara Jorgensen1 Comment

I am so excited because in less than a month, The Reanimator’s Soul (The Reanimator Mysteries #2) comes out in ebook and paperback. During October, I’m going to be sharing more of the story along with some fun tidbits about why this book came to be, what it’s about, etc.

Today, I want to whet your appetite by giving you some things I listened to and looked at while working on The Reanimator’s Soul.

First up, we have the YouTube playlist for The Reanimator’s Soul. These are songs that I think relate really well to the story but were not necessarily things I listened to on repeat while writing that (those were weird ambience tracks). Some highlights that might give you the tone:

“Against the Kitchen Floor” by Will Wood encapsulates Ansley and Oliver’s past relationship pretty well as well as the scars Oliver has from that relationship. Will Wood writes a lot of music neurodivergent and/or mentally ill people can relate to.

You’ll also notice a few song from Poor Man’s Poison. They are quickly becoming one of my favorite folk(ish) bands. They sing a lot of about social injustices, the rich v. the poor, and they are catchy as hell. It works very well for a book about how medicine can uphold white supremacist ideologies.

“Where You Go I Go” by Fight the Fade felt like the perfect song for Oliver and Felipe’s relationship, like so spot on I made my partner listen to it. There’s plenty more on the “soundtrack” for this book, so I hope you enjoy it.

And I cannot give you previews without sharing the infamous Pinterest Board for The Reanimator’s Soul.

This is one of my favorite things to share because I get to throw a bunch of random photos and quotes at you and let you concoct your own plot for the story. I have a lot of face-casting pictures for the characters along with some pics of Victorian things you might expect to see, and plenty of moody quotes to hammer home those feelings.

If you haven’t preordered The Reanimator’s Soul yet, there’s still time. It comes out October 24th, 2023 at all major retailers. The Google Play preorder link will be up VERY soon (my apologies for my Google Play peeps), and paperbacks will be available closer to release day since I can’t put those on preorder ahead of time.

Uncategorized

On Forgetting to Read Sequels

September 17, 2023August 26, 2023 Kara Jorgensen2 Comments

I recently discovered a less than desirable reading habit I now possess, and I’m hoping that, in pointing it out to myself, this will somehow hold me accountable. In turn, I’m holding you all accountable for this bad habit as well.

I read book 1, really enjoy it, buy book 2, then forget book two exists or put it off in favor of another stand alone or book 1, lather-rinse-repeat. I also do this with later sequels/subsequent books in a series, so no, it doesn’t get better if I’ve read book 2.

I was making the slips for my TBR coffin the other day when I realized how many of the papers in it are actually sequels/not book one in a series that I enjoyed. If you have not seen the TBR coffin, I will link to the Tiktok here. You might be wondering why I buy book 2 if I don’t plan to read it.

Well, I do plan to read it, and sometimes I buy book 2 ahead of time, even if I haven’t read book 1 yet because I want to support the author or I already like this author, so I’m fairly certain I will get to the series and enjoy it.

After thinking about why I tend not to read book 2+ in a timely manner, here are some fairly obvious reasons why this happens:

there’s a big gap between books 1 and 2, which causes me to forget everything in book, so I tell myself I need to look up a synopsis/summary of book 1 before reading book 2. I put that off and forget.
my to-be-read pile is just really big and new things tend to get preference, unless that new thing is a sequel (see previous bullet)
they are heavy books (in terms of message or world-building), and I need to be in a specific mood or headspace to read them
sometimes I get nervous book 2 won’t be as good as book 1 and put it off.
other times, I enjoyed the series so much that I don’t want it to be over, and I put off reading the last book
but mostly, I just forget they exist because out of sight, out of mind

No matter the reason, it’s a bad habit that I’m shaming myself for. What is especially funny to me is how I have tried to work around this by waiting to read a series until I have all of the books (or wait until close to the last book’s release day), and the outcome is still the same. From now until the end of the year, my goal is to read as many of those sequels and subsequent books as I can. One way or another, I am determined to break this awful habit and actually read what I have.

What sequels or subsequent books do you need to move up your TBR?

Personal Life

Kara Struggles with OCD

September 10, 2023August 26, 2023 Kara Jorgensen1 Comment

I’ve known for a while that I have OCD. It’s a very common comorbidity with autism, and they feed off each other in the worst way by tapping into that obsessive, hyperfocused piece of autism and strapping an anxiety rocket to the back of it. Once it starts, it’s very hard to stop.

To me, anxiety feels like I’m overwhelmed; the world is too much. OCD feels like my brain is hurtling through my thoughts at 100 mph in a hyperfocused yet constantly shifting feedback loop. It makes it nearly impossible to focus on one thing for long, so I just hop from thing to thing until my brain exhausts itself, gets anxious again, and the process repeats because checking/obsessing gives it a dopamine pay-off to cancel out the anxiety. The worst part is that when it’s bad, I’m not always cognizant that’s what this is, especially if there is an active source of stress. The incident that has kicked off this post was caused by someone and a perceived (real or imagined) threat, so it wasn’t illogical to believe I needed to do something to stay safe. The problem was anxiety about feeling unsafe because it seemed like someone I had blocked was creeping on my social media quickly snowballed into an obsessive downward spiral (whether that was true or not doesn’t change the anxiety over it).

I don’t like who I become when I’m obsessed like this. You know in movies/TV shows where the detective is tracking someone through storms and ridiculous situations no matter what danger appears, that is how being OCD driven feels. My brain would happily sacrifice actual safety to get what it wants, and that is terrifying in hindsight. It makes me an unsafe person when I’m in that hypervigilant state. The minutiae I would typically be anxiety-ridden over go out the window if I can feed the thought engine to go faster. Somehow my brain thinks hurtling toward danger is how I can make myself safe, as if I can think myself into safety because the solution has to be there somewhere. I just need to think fast and hard enough to do it.

Part of the problem is that I have trained myself to do this by accident. When I was in high school and college, I could ascend to a higher test-taking plane by working myself into that frenzied hyperfocused state. If you’ve ever seen Michael Phelps getting pumped before a meet, that’s basically what it looks like but internal. I could fly through a final exam in less than fifteen minutes and walk out with an A because I worked my brain into a state it was never meant to be in. After finals week, I would collapse into a pool of exhaustion and mild anxiety until my synapses cooled. The same thing happens now with OCD.

I feel the rug pulled out from under me when the source of stress is removed or I snap out of it for whatever reason. OCD brain v. normal brain is a shocking contrast, but when it’s been slowly building for weeks, you don’t notice you’re in trouble until you’re in the thick of it, which is the scariest part for me. My OCD doesn’t manifest as external rituals, it’s just internal cycling, obsessive chaos, which makes it harder to pinpoint and harder for others to notice and intervene. Plus, despite all the rest, I try to hide it if I think my partner is getting concerned about me. I shouldn’t, but unfortunately, it’s hard to admit to ourselves and others that we need help. I’m open about having anxiety and being autistic, but OCD is always seen so stereotypically that it’s hard to discuss it when it presents as a whirlpool of brain chaos and refreshing internet tabs.

Truthfully, I thought I could will it away. If I tried hard enough, I could magically beat back the OCD or pull myself out without external help, but it’s obvious I can’t. The problem with treating OCD and autism together is multifaceted. The most obvious issue is the cost and availability of mental health services. A lot of places have wait lists for evaluations, and no matter where you go, it’s going to cost you unless you have good insurance (even then, it isn’t cheap). The other major problem is that a lot of psychiatrists are not equipped to work with neurodivergent/autistic patients, so they end up either being ableist and patronizing or totally useless because your brain doesn’t work the same way as a neurotypical person’s brain. When you have a combo plan brain and one without external ritualized behaviors, OCD gets a little tricky to treat.

My hope is that in the near future I can get anti-anxiety/OCD medication that will hopefully help to tamp down these feelings or make it easier to disengage. It will probably be a bit as I research psychiatrists and figure out what my insurance will and won’t cover. In the meantime, I’m going to try to limit my time on social media and active Discords because, now that I’m less chaotic, I know those are part of the under-over stimulated feedback loop that sucks me into a checking OCD spiral.

I got off balance this year back in July when I had the jury duty panel week, and it wasn’t my smartest move to throw an intensive summer class on top of it, knowing I was working on my book and that other things could come up, which they did. I need to figure out the balance between making enough to live and not putting my brain into stressed out, OCD hell. In the meantime, I’m going to work on finding some coping strategies and supplements that might muffle the anxiety until I can make an appointment with someone.

Monthly Review

August 2023 Wrap-up Post

September 3, 2023September 2, 2023 Kara Jorgensen1 Comment

This month has been chaotic to say the least, and because of that, I have been fending off burnout since midway through the month (and not very well, mind you). It has been a struggle to get through most things I need to do this month, and I did not maintain the balance I need to keep my mental health from derailing. Anywho, let’s take a look at the goals I made for August:

FINISH THIS BOOK
Get through my summer class
Prep for my fall classes
Read 8 books
Blog weekly + monthly newsletter
Not lose my marbles along the way
Get ahead on blog posts again

Books

My goal was to read 8 books, and I read 7 this month.

The Tiger Came to the Mountain by Silvia Moreno Garcia- 4 stars, a magical and mildly autobiographical story about desperation and strength during war and the history of girls lost to time.
Four Weddings to Fall in Love (#1) by Jackie Lau- 4 stars, a romance that begins with a one-night stand that goes awry where the couple needs to reconnect and regroup as they attend multiple weddings together.
The Invisible Man and his Soon to be Wife (#2) by Iwatobineko- 4 stars, a cute, sweet addition to the series, which brings in a queer side character, which was a lovely surprise.
Saffron Alley (#2) by A. J. Demas- 4 stars, we get to see a bit of domesticity between our MCs as they try to navigate the future together.
The Marriage Portrait by Maggie O’Farrell- 3 stars, a slightly fantastical version of Lucrezia de Medici’s marriage and short life. While I loved Hamnet, I found this one to be a bit brutal for my taste.
Strong Wine (#3) by A. J. Demas- 4 stars, the wonderful conclusion to the Sword Dance trilogy where we meet Dami’s horrid family, see him fighting a murder charge, and get a HEA.
Secret XXX (#0) by Meguru Hinohara- 4 stars, a spicy yet sweet manga between a pet shop owner and a man who thinks he’s allergic to bunnies. It also sets the scene for a spin-off series.

Admin/Behind-the-Scenes Stuff

Got a Bookbub for The Reanimator’s Heart (dropping 9/3)
Made my syllabi for my classes
Made the Blackboard boards for my classes
Taught my summer class and graded all their papers
Got my car’s oil changed and brakes checked before the fall semester starts (was stressing over this)
Took part in the Narratess Indie Author Sale
Kept my mental health hanging on by a string and rode myself into the ground
Did not manage my anxiety well… at all.
But the sales I ran have bumped up my preorders for The Reanimator’s Soul nicely

Blogs Posted

July 2023 Wrap-Up Post
Kara’s Random Game Recs
Art of Oliver and Felipe!
The Reanimator’s Heart is Only 99c (still on til 9/6, btw)
August Newsletter

Writing

Writing has been a mixed bag this month with it mostly being decent, despite my mental chaos. I ended up writing more than I have in a long time, and I basically finished the book. I need to go back and do a bit of tweaking, editing, and expanding, but the story itself is complete. I am super excited for you all to read The Reanimator’s Soul when it comes out October 24th because I think I did a better job on the mystery than I did in book one, and there’s a lot of emotional complexity going on between Oliver, Felipe, and their various family, friends, and foes. I’m trying to control myself for now, but there will definitely be a side story that goes out to newsletter subscribers as well as potentially a novel or novella featuring Ansley and another character from this book.

Hopes for September

We are once again keeping the goals light because my brain needs a break.

blog weekly
monthly newsletter
read 8 books
maintain mental health by gaming, reading, or crafting when necessary
stay on top of grading
Edit The Reanimator’s Soul

The Reanimator's Heart

The Reanimator’s Heart is Only 99¢!

August 27, 2023August 20, 2023 Kara Jorgensen1 Comment

You read that correctly, The Reanimator’s Heart ebook is currently on sale for 99¢ for a limited time. The price should be the same across all platforms and [most] countries (sadly, I cannot guarantee every country as the retail sites can be finicky). It is on sale from now until September 6th.

The Reanimator's Heart by Kara Jorgensen is on sale for 99cents for a limited time at all major retailers
mm romance, forced proximity, a lavender marriage, murder/magic/mysteries, everybody's queer, an autistic necromancer, unbury your gays, food tour of 1890s NYC

Grab your copy now if you want an autistic necromancer who accidentally reanimates his murdered crush and teams up with him to solve his murder. It is available at all major retailers, including Amazon, Kobo, Barnes and Noble, Google Play, Apple Books, and library systems. You can also find it in paperback or audiobook as well, though they are not on sale right now.

You can also preorder book 2, The Reanimator’s Soul, at all major retailers (except Google Play, which is coming soon). Paperbacks will be available closer to release day, and the audiobook will come out in 2024.

As always, if you enjoyed The Reanimator’s Heart, I hope you will tell your friends about this sale and leave a review if you are willing/able. They help small creators like me more than you could know.

The Reanimator's Heart · the reanimator's soul

Art of Oliver and Felipe!

August 20, 2023August 7, 2023 Kara Jorgensen1 Comment

I commissioned artwork of Oliver and Felipe! If you follow me on social media, you have probably already seen this picture, but I wanted to show it off here as well. OblivionsDream is an absolutely fantastic artist who previously made fan art of Oliver and Felipe (you can see it here). Once I saw how perfectly Oblivionsdream captured my boys, I knew I had to commission art from her when she opened up slots.

I asked for a picture of Oliver and Felipe that was soft. They spend so much of The Reanimator’s Heart and The Reanimator’s Soul in peril that I wanted to capture some sweet downtime.

I also wanted to point out some details I love about this piece. Truthfully, I love all of it, but one of my favorite things is how OblivionsDream always adds Felipe’s greying hair. You can see it around his temples, and he also has crows feet around his eyes and scruff. The attention to detail (especially regarding things mentioned in the books) brings me so much joy. There’s also the contrast between who Felipe and Oliver are dressed too is very them. Oliver’s contented expression is just so sweet, and one of my favorites is the stuff on the windowsill. Oliver and Felipe have keys to each other’s living spaces, so the two keys brought me joy.

Paying artists to make artwork of my characters is one of my favorite things, and when the art comes from someone who has read my books and likes my characters, there is no better feeling.

Personal Life

Kara’s Random Game Recs

August 13, 2023August 2, 2023 Kara Jorgensen2 Comments

This may seem random, but since I’ve been discussing maintaining my sanity, I thought I might talk about some games that I’ve greatly enjoyed and others I’m looking forward to in the future. Let me be upfront about my taste in games, in case we are polar opposites: I like low stress games with some story or romance, puzzles, task completion, etc. If there’s customization in the game, I’m probably down. If there is required multiplayer, I’m out. With that out of the way, let’s talk about some games I loved and why.

Ooblets

Ooblets is low stress and a bit silly. It’s a sort of like Pokemon in that you collect creatures, but instead of violent battles, they have dance battles. It’s low stress, there are mini games, lots of customization. It reminds me vaguely of My Sims for the Wii, especially with some of the Gothic flavored goodies, but it’s for the low stress crowd for sure.

Stardew Valley

Pretty much everyone knows Stardew Valley is a farm/life sim, so I won’t go into too much detail. I love how they’re still updating it now after how many years since its release and how many mods you can download to make the experience truly unique to you. My favorite character you can date will always be Shane. I take no criticism for it.

Spiritfarer

Spiritfarer is a gut punch at times. You are a spiritfarer, someone who transports souls along their journey to the otherworld. You have to help them become whole before they can move on, and some of the stories will bring tears to your eyes. It’s part story, part asset management game, and all fun. The world is fairly open but not so open that it feels aimless.

Strange Horticulture

If you loved Jordan L. Hawk’s Widdershins, Strange Horticulture is right up your alley. You play as a horticulturist who has just taken over a flower shop in a very strange town. Queer plants, puzzles, a cult and an eldritch monster lurking in the woods, it has everything you could possibly want. This story is divided into thirteen days (I think) and there are multiple endings, so it’s great to play more than once to hit all the paths/endings.

Unpacking

Unpacking is about telling a story through objects. We follow an unseen character as they unpack their life throughout the years. We get to see how their lives change and follow objects through the years. It is super sweet, and the more you play, the more you discover hints of the unseen character’s story. It is so chill, though I wish it was longer.

A Little to the Left

A Little to the Left is similar to Unpacking in that it is an object game, but this is more focused on puzzles. This one can be challenging at times (I had to sneak peeks at a guide a few times when I got stuck), so it’s low stress until it isn’t. They also made an expansion pack for cupboard and drawer puzzles (some of my favorites). It scratches the autistic urge to sort things.

Games I am Looking Forward to Playing

Venba– the story follows a family who is now living in a new country and the story is told through recipes. It looks so cute, and it’s a great change to see a story from an Indian company. Out now.
Book of Hours– this feels in the same vein as Strange Horticulture. It’s a puzzle game where you restore an occult library and discover things about its history as you fix it. It looks deliciously spooky, and you all know how much I love a game with historical flare. Out August 17th.
Botany Manor– we have another plant-based puzzle game, but Botany Manor follows a botanist who inherits a house in the English countryside filled with rare plants. You explore the manor, solve puzzles to help the plants grow, and enjoy the 19th century atmosphere. It looks so chill, and the scenery looks gorgeous. No release date yet.
Tiny Bookshop– You run a pop-up bookshop in an asset management/narrative game. This combines my favorite things: books, customization, and asset management. This game is still in development, but it looks right up my alley with the beachy, cozy ambiance. No release date yet.
Moonlight Peaks– Spooky Stardew Valley. You play a vampire who moves to a new town, where you need to make friends with other supernatural creatures, grow plants, and do magic. You get to fly around town as a bat. Every clip I see makes my Halloween heart happy. No release date yet.
Dredge– I own Dredge but haven’t worked up the nerve to play because I’m a chicken and it’s horror. You run a fishing boat in a town where some secrets are best forgotten. As you explore the island and upgrade your ship, you find out more. I love fishing games and unsettling games, so I’m hoping it’ll be my taste. It is out now.