Writing

On Being Your Own Cheerleader

Let me tell you a little secret: no one will be as excited about your project as you are.

This might sound harsh, but ultimately, it’s true, and for newer writers, I think it’s better to learn this early than to learn it the hard way as you give up on projects because no one seems interested. Despite what others may say, writing is, generally, a solitary pursuit. You are the writer. You are the omnipotent god of your fictional world. And while others might be cheering you on, no one should be as excited about your project as you are, and expecting others to be your constant hype men is setting yourself up for failure.

I don’t want to say you can’t rely on others, but frankly, you can’t rely on other people. It isn’t your current or future readers’ responsibility to sustain your interest in a project.

When I first came across this sentiment of “No one seems interested in my work, so why bother,” I was a bit confused because I thought, “Well, the book isn’t out yet. Why would they be excited, especially if you are a new writer?” I forget that people actually show others their work while they’re writing. I tend not to. Not due to being squeamish about showing my unedited work but because I have a don’t bother anyone complex. It also slipped my mind that when people write fanfic, they tend to post things a chapter at a time and build an audience along the way. That tends not to happen with original fiction, unless you’re posting it on something like Wattpad or Ream as you write it, or you share your work in progress with an alpha-reader.

I can see how that would be a rough shift, having that built-in audience from posting your work on a piece-by-piece basis to having no one knowing what you’re working on or being excited about it until people read it and start to spread the word. No matter what though, if you abandon a project because your hypothetical audience isn’t hyped for it, you’re shooting yourself in the foot. I would definitely take a second and think if your knee-jerk reaction is self-sabotage to avoid feeling like a failure if that book isn’t popular.

I’ll let you in on another secret, first books rarely sell well. At least not until you have several other books out.

You need to find some sort of motivation to keep you going, whether it’s for the love of the story or for money, you need something that’s wholly you to keep writing when things get hard and it seems like no one cares. Above all, I care about my characters. I love them and want to see what happens to them, and my first audience member is me. If I like them, I assume others will too, but you’ll have to market the book to people like you in order to find those other readers. Look at what other people in your genre (or other writers you enjoy who are similar to you) are doing and try to emulate that when marketing your own work. Don’t go rogue with that first book. Don’t think you’re the exception. Don’t assume you’re a failure if book one is sort of a flop because that’s normal, and there’s a good chance it’ll get better.

As I write this, the thing I regret is that I can’t make you care about your work or about your characters enough to maintain that level of “screw you” needed to make art. Every artist who finishes something has a healthy (or unhealthy) amount of screw you in their system. It’s the little voice that pops up to tell off the world when someone devalues the humanities or says, “who would read that?” ME, that’s who. Over the years, I feel like my screw you voice sounds more and more like Anthony Bourdain, but I’m okay with that. When I need to summon the strength to tell my brain or the outside world to f-off because my work matters, I channel the spirit of a disgruntled, slightly world-weary chef, and it does the trick.

Whatever works to help stoke your artist ego to get your art done, do it. It may seem silly or pointless, but trust me, it isn’t. In the darker times when things aren’t going smoothly or you feel like no one gives a shit, that inner voice will get you through. In the end, you need to be your own cheerleader or disgruntled chef because no one else will.

Writing

The Money-Time Paradox

Something I have been thinking about a lot, especially since I recently had to drop a lot of money on my medicine and getting my car fixed, is how creatives get stuck in day jobs and are unable to make enough to let them go or even shift down into part-time work or less mentally strenuous work due to the world we live in, especially in the US.

These past two years I have probably made more off my books than the previous four years combined, but it isn’t enough to live off. On paper it may look like a decent amount, but once you take 30% out for taxes, it certainly isn’t a living wage. Part of me would like to spend less time teaching and more time writing, but it isn’t feasible. I will say that I do greatly enjoy my job. I love my students, and I don’t think I would want to fully stop teaching, especially creative writing. The thing is that I wish I could say no when I didn’t feel like it. I wish I didn’t have to teach the summer bootcamp class, but it’s easy money for 2.5 weeks of nonstop grading. Even though it is a skilled job that requires a masters or more, the pay is trash (that is the system’s fault, not my department’s by the way). When I’ve told my students how much I make for 15 weeks of work, they all looked appalled, but I keep teaching because it allows me enough time for my brain to reset between workdays, so I can write. If I had a more traditional 9-5, especially one where I was at an office with other people, I don’t think I would write at all. Being around other people all day is hard when you’re autistic. Every second of the day is performative and tense. By the time I would get home, there would be nothing left. When I worked at an office for one day a week, I felt my brain shrivel up by the end of the day to the point that I did nothing when I got home and that often continued into the next day. The job wasn’t even strenuous; it was all the people-ing I had to do and the sensory overload that sucked the life out of me. Bright computer screens without dimmers, fluorescent lights, and constant chatter tax my system.

What I would like to be able to do one day is live off my writing and/or make things to sell as well. None of this will probably happen until my partner has a better job. I hate the idea that I might need to rely on him monetarily because I worry that would put unnecessary pressure on him. The things that hold me back from making the leap are all tied to problems our society could easily fix. I worry about paying for my medication because it’s expensive, and while I have a discount card, it does eventually run out and my out-of-pocket cost limit isn’t insubstantial. Universal healthcare would eliminate that fear of not having enough money to pay for my meds (or my partner’s). Universal basic income would go a long way to lessening the burden placed on those who struggle to work full-time. My teaching job(s) are considered part-time or contract work. If they no longer need me, I can’t get unemployment. These low paying but very necessary jobs could keep their better employees if they either paid more or the government supplemented everyone under a certain wage bracket with UBI. It could easily lift people out of poverty or tide those artists or seasonal workers over during the lean months. It’s tough enough being a creative or starting a new business, but it doesn’t need to be nearly as hard as our country makes it.

I refuse to buy into the whole hustle culture idea of writing to market or chasing trends or upping my productivity by fifty percent. There are definitely some things I could do to potentially write more, like actually prioritizing writing over other random tasks I have to do or watching a video on YouTube, but at the same time, I don’t want to suck the fun and leisure time out of my life to reach some arbitrary writing or income goal because in the past that has led to burn-out. This is what I mean when I talk about creatives being stuck in the money-time paradox. Despite what the girl-bosses and hustlers say, we have a finite amount of resources, whether it be money, time, mental fortitude, physical energy, or creative juices, and at some point, the well runs dry. If you’re not careful, you can cause irreparable harm and erase any progress or momentum you already have.

So, Kara, if you won’t do the hustle thing or quit your job, how do you plan to write more? I have no clue. My schedule this semester has been a little weird due to when my classes fall, but next semester, that’s back to normal, which will make it easier to write. November will be a bit difficult for me, as it always is, due to the time change, darkness, and influx of student papers, but by December, I’m hoping to get a solid routine down and try to find the sweet spot again for when I’m most productive. That has gotten lost in the sauce this semester with the new schedule. Next year, if I could write two novels, I’d be really happy, but honestly, I doubt that’s going to happen unless I absolutely fry myself. Still, I cling to the hope that maybe, just maybe I’ll get that safety net I’ve been longing for.

Writing

What I’m Working on Next

Woo! So The Reanimator’s Soul has been out for a few weeks, and first off, I want to thank you all for absolutely amazing release. If you read any of my books, please consider leaving a rating or review (even if it’s only a few words) on your favorite review site or retailer. They greatly help indie authors like me!

Now that book two of the Reanimator Mysteries series it out, you might be wondering what I’m working on next, so let’s dig into my current project, my next project, and what projects are simmering on the back burner.

Current Project:

My current project is an Oliver and Felipe short story/novella (The Reanimator Mysteries #2.5) that takes place a few months after the end of The Reanimator’s Soul. Oliver hasn’t taken an actual vacation away from the Paranormal Society, ever, so now, he has been coerced into a trip to the beach with Felipe. There will be plenty of things that go awry, tender moments, Teresa, Louisa, Agatha, the pomeranians, and something I don’t think my readers will be expecting. This will be free to my monthly newsletter subscribers and probably go out in December, if all goes as planned. I think you all will really like this story, so if you haven’t joined my newsletter yet you can do so here (if you join, you also get a novella and two more short stories).

Next Project:

I like to have a little palate cleanser between major books, hence the short story/novella, but once I finish that, it is onward to The Reanimator Mysteries #3. The title is in the very, very back of book 2, but I haven’t made an official announcement yet, so my lips are sealed here for now. You’ll have to read the book to find the title for book three. What I will tell you is that it involves Oliver and Felipe traveling to a “murder town” (think along the lines of Jordan L. Hawk’s Widdershins) to solve a mystery, Oliver’s origins, Felipe facing some inner demons, Gwen on a case with them, and much more. I will tell you all more as I get more deeply into this project, but it should be out late 2024. PS- there will be at least four books in the series, so book three will not be the last reanimator book. I’ve had a few people assume it’s a trilogy, but it isn’t!

Backburner but Coming Soon:

There are two side characters in The Reanimator’s Soul that I would like to write a story about. When you read the story, you might figure out who I mean, but since it’s only been out a few weeks, I don’t want to state who yet. I’m not sure whether this will be a novella or a whole novel, hence why it’s placed in backburner territory until I figure out where I can fit it in. I think this story will be a lot of fun because it’s definitely a bitier romance, if that makes sense. These characters get on each other’s nerves, and what I envision so far is that they will stumble into each other’s lives again and think they’re on opposite sides when in reality, they need to team up to get what they want.

Another project that I have brewing is a short story about when Oliver and Gwen first became friends, but I’m not sure when I’ll get to that one. That will be a cute, low stakes, low angst type story. Just a little glimpse into how Oliver was ten years prior when he first came to the Paranormal Society and tried to befriend Gwen.

I have several other books simmering on the back burning, including (but not limited to) The Reanimator Mysteries #4, a duology set before and after WWI, Trousers and Trouble (A Paranormal Society Romance #2), and maybe a short story about Gale and Head Inspector Williams.


So these are all the projects I have on the docket for now. I will eventually update the WIP section of my website when I have time, but I hope you all will stay tuned for more news about the upcoming short story as well as book 3 in the Reanimator Mysteries series and much more.

Monthly Review

October 2023 Wrap-Up

October was release month for The Reanimator’s Soul, which was equal parts wonderful and chaotic. It’s been a month, let me tell you, but to refresh your memory (and mine), here are the goals I set for October:

  • Post/market consistently before The Reanimator’s Soul releases October 24th
  • Do all the paperback setup for The Reanimator’s Soul once I have the final cover
  • Have a great launch for The Reanimator’s Soul
  • Write side/follow-up story for my newsletter subscribers (TRM #2.5)
  • Get ball rolling on the audiobook of The Reanimator’s Soul
  • Read 8 books
  • Send out my October newsletter
  • Finish putting together my Halloween plastic canvas village sets (I have one building left and need to hot glue others together)
  • Decide if I want to do anything NaNoWriMo related in November, despite it being a month from hell for me usually (aka is Kara feeling masochistic)

Books

My goal was to read 8 books in October, and I read 9 books total.

  1. The Good Kings by Kara Cooney- 4 stars, a nonfiction book that parallels the famous kings of Ancient Egypt with modern politicians and how what often looks like strength actually signifies a weak ruler.
  2. Unknown (#3) by Jordan L. Hawk- 4 stars, Ves and Sebastian are back to look for the third missing magical book when men who frequent Sebastian’s favorite bathhouse start being murdered.
  3. Lore Olympus (#5) by Rachel Smythe- 4 stars, we get to see Hades and Persephone get closer and secrets finally come to light.
  4. Luke and Billy Finally Get a Clue by Cat Sebastian- 5 stars, two baseball players come together after one is injured and realize they are more than teammates with a little help from fate and the one guy’s mom.
  5. Twisted Tome (#2) by Vanora Lawless- 5 stars, an mm paranormal historical romance set during WWI with a dream-walker and an illusion-creator who team up to find a dangerous book and get far more than they bargained for.
  6. In the Pit of Your Stomach by Arden Powell- 4 stars, a choose-your-own adventure story that involves a giant hole, creatures, and maybe even a touch of romance (with a human, sorry monster lovers).
  7. She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat (#3) by Sakaomi Yuzaki- 5 stars, a wonderful installment in this series where we get a new friend and a new neighbor who join the foodie family.
  8. The Case Study of Vanitas (#10) by Jun Mochizuki- 4 stars, a bridge volume that wraps up some of Vanitas’s backstory and sets us down a new path in the story. I’m still mildly annoyed by the forced heterosexuality of this story when the two leads have the best homoromantic chemistry.
  9. The Lover by Silvia Moreno-Garcia 4 stars, a fairytale-esque story involving a huntsmen, a poor woman, her wealthy sister, a wolf, and a mysterious stranger. It’s very short, but I am a sucker for Moreno-Garcia’s work, so I will always read it, no matter how long or short.

Admin/Behind-the-Scenes Stuff

  • Finished my Halloween Village craft projects (finally, after months of working on them- take a look here)
  • Posted consistently about The Reanimator’s Soul (TRM #2) leading up to release day
  • Uploaded the final files for The Reanimator’s Soul onto all major distributors
  • Setup the paperback copy of The Reanimator’s Soul
  • Ordered a proof copy, checked it, and approved it
  • Ordered a good copy of The Reanimator’s Soul
  • Had a lovely release day for The Reanimator’s Soul
  • Reminded ARC readers to post reviews
  • Created the cover for the Reanimator Mysteries #2.5 short story
  • Came up with the title for the Reanimator Mysteries #2.5 short story
  • Wrote newsletter
  • Blogged weekly
  • Fought with the insurance company over my meds (again)
  • Graded a shit ton of papers
  • Had my car breakdown (repeatedly *laugh sob*)
  • Decided there was no way in hell I was doing NaNoWriMo

Blogs Posted


Writing

Not much writing happened this month, but frankly, I’m okay with that. This month was mostly spent preparing for the release of The Reanimator’s Soul, so I knew going into it that my word count was not going to be astronomical. In the end, I only wrote 1,000 words of the Reanimator Mysteries #2.5 short story. Do I wish I could have written more? Yes. Am I okay with only having written a 1,000 words? Also, yes. October has been ridiculously stressful, especially once my car broke down. That happened through the majority of the month where the check engine light came on repeatedly (over two weeks), but my local mechanic (twice) couldn’t figure out why. Eventually, it refused to start in their parking lot, and I had to tow it to the car dealer to get fixed by mechanics who know my brand of car specifically. You know once you bring in the specialty mechanics that it’s going to be big bucks to fix, and it was. As of writing this post on November 1st, I’m still waiting to get my car back from the mechanic due to how long it took for a part to come in. The on-going car repair saga completely stressed me out, making it nearly impossible for me to read or write. I’m hoping that November won’t be a No-Words-November and that I’ll be able to get the majority, if not all, of the short story/novella done.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention how much seeing the genocide of the Palestinian people live online is affecting me. I have made my stance on Palestinian liberation very clear on social media for years, and to see nearly every politician in the US abandon Palestinian civilians to be wiped out by Israeli forces is more than criminal. If you have the energy, please call your reps and demand a ceasefire now. More needs to be done, but a ceasefire is long overdue. If you would like to learn more about the history of Palestine and how British/American imperialism has lead us to this moment, Verso books has several free books available right now.


Hopes for November

  • Less chaos overall (not quite within my control, but one can hope)
  • Write most, if not all, of The Reanimator Mysteries #2.5 short story
  • Start brainstorming more of The Reanimator Mysteries #3
  • Maintain my mental health during November to avoid No-Words-November
  • Grade all the papers I receive in a timely manner (I have been bad about this lately)
  • Read 8 books
  • Blog weekly
  • Send out my November newsletter
Writing

On Not Being the NaNoWriMo Grinch

I’m trying this year, peeps; I’m really trying, but not to hit 50k words.

So if you don’t know, I never do NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) in November because there’s no way in hell I can write 50,000 words in thirty days. Now, I do support NaNoWriMo’s mission of supporting creative writing classes in schools, and I often participate in Camp NaNoWriMo during the spring and summer.

The problem is that my brain doesn’t do well with writing during November. As a college professor, it is the busiest time for papers/grading, and between grading, the holidays, and some low key seasonal affect disorder, I don’t do well mentally during November on the best days. Add on top of that seeing people post, “I wrote 3000 words today!” and my brain shrivels up like a depressed, anxious raisin. In recent years, I’ve jokingly called it “No Words November” because, more often than not, I write very little in November, if anything.

It isn’t like I don’t want people to fail at NaNo or not pull those huge word counts, but seeing it en masse does something less than great to my psyche, especially as someone who can write 1,500 words on a really good day and 500-1000 words on a normal day. I am a slow writer, and the pace of true NaNoWriMo is basically impossible for me. This year, my only goal is to not have No Words November. I want to harness the synergy of NaNoWriMo and just write like I would any other month. That is literally my only writing goal for November. If I could write 10k-20k words in November I would be very happy because most years, it’s literally 5k or less, which is what I can write in a good week in April or July.

I actually bought a NaNoWriMo 2023 shirt to not only support the charity aspect but to remind myself that I need to keep my attitude up and not get discouraged by seeing giant word counts. Despite my smaller word counts, I have written and published nine books, a novella, and several short stories, so my process works for me. I never thought the smaller daily counts made me less of a writer, but it often shook my confidence because my process doesn’t match that of the visual majority (not that most do that but you see those word counts more during NaNo).

So what am I going to do to set myself up for success in November to avoid No Word November?

  • manage my mental health by muting words/phrases regarding NaNoWriMo as necessary
  • focus on my own paper, aka focus on my daily word, not other people’s
  • have an idea of what I’m writing, at least somewhat, before November starts, so I am less likely to be aimless and panic
  • be kind to myself because it is a hard month for me mentally and in terms of grading

If you do NaNoWriMo and actually hit the 50k and find the words usable at the end, how? I would love to know in the comments if you have any tips for being able to write so much and actually use it later.

If you aren’t doing NaNo, what are your writing plans for November?

the reanimator's soul · Writing

One Day Until The Reanimator’s Soul

As of when this post is up, it is ONE DAY until The Reanimator’s Soul comes out!

The cover for The Reanimator's Soul by Kara Jorgensen. A black background with blue figures. Two men facing away from each other. Between them is a line connecting them and a brain inside a circle in the center. Around the brain are neuron/lightning shapes and an all seeing eye
Cover by Crowglass Design

In case you haven’t heard about The Reanimator’s Soul, it is the sequel to The Reanimator’s Heart and the second book in the Reanimator Mysteries series. Here is the blurb:


An autistic necromancer, his undead lover, and the case that could destroy everything.
When a necromancer turns up dead, Oliver and Felipe think it will be the perfect, straightforward case for their new partnership. That is, until it leads them to a clinic promising a cure for magic, but they aren’t the only ones investigating the Institute for the Betterment of the Soul. Oliver’s ex, Ansley, is in town, and he’s certain the clinic isn’t the paragon of righteousness it claims to be.
Forced to help Ansley infiltrate the institute, Oliver fears he is out of his depth in his work and in love as old wounds and bad habits resurface. But Oliver isn’t the only one struggling. Pulled between his cases, Oliver, and his daughter returning home for the summer, Felipe is drowning. Just when he thinks he finally has everything under control, a new reminder of his untimely demise threatens to throw his life into a tailspin once more.
Between festering wounds and secrets, Oliver and Felipe’s lives stand upon a knife’s edge. To face the evil lurking behind the clinic’s genteel smiles, they must stand together or face the destruction of the place they call home.


Here is what other early readers are saying about The Reanimator’s Soul:

The Reanimator’s Soul is the second book in the Reanimator Mysteries series and is my ninth full-length book (tenth if you count Flowers and Flourishing). It takes place in the same universe as my other books and is set in the New York Paranormal Society, which is mentioned in Kinship and Kindness. The content warnings are listed below and are also in the book are well.


CWs: Gore, blood, violence, murder, descriptions of dead bodies/autopsies, on page sexual content, ableism toward autistic people, discussion of past sexual assault, period specific homophobia and language, medical abuse, conversion therapy, panic attacks, implied and briefly depicted child abuse


The paperback of The Reanimator’s Soul is currently on Amazon and will move to other retailers in the coming weeks. You can still preorder the ebook at all major retailers or you can request it from your library system when it comes out October 24th, 2023. The audiobook is currently in the works and will be available early 2024 if all goes according to plan.

If you pick up a copy of The Reanimator’s Soul, I hope you will leave a review on Goodreads, StoryGraph, or your favorite retailer! They really help authors like me out in terms of visibility and credibility.

And if you haven’t read The Reanimator’s Heart (TRM #1), you can pick it up here.

the reanimator's soul · Writing

A Preview of The Reanimator’s Soul (TRM#2)

The Reanimator’s Soul, book 2 in the Reanimator’s Mysteries series, comes out October 24th! If you would like to preorder it, you can do so here, and paperbacks will be available closer to release day. To whet your appetite, here is the prologue for The Reanimator’s Soul.


Prologue

The Test

Herman Judd awoke in the dark. For a long moment, he lay there, distantly wondering if he was dead and staring into blackness was all the afterlife had to offer. His breath rattled in his chest, sending a throbbing pain through his neck and into his arm. The dead didn’t breathe, and they didn’t feel pain, as far as he knew. Even without light enough to see, he knew he wasn’t where he was supposed to be. Blinking, he tried to remember. He was fairly certain he had gotten dressed for work that morning, but everything beyond eating breakfast in the clinic’s dining room felt hazy and grey. Wherever he was, it was too dark to be the dormitories and too quiet to be one of the wards. There was always light, even at night, and surely, he would have heard the moans of the sick or the quiet chatter of the nurses and orderlies by now.

Slowly sitting up, Herman let out a groan as his head swam. There was nothing to ground him in the disorienting darkness except the pain radiating from the base of his skull. It ran into his shoulder and down into his arm, where it felt as if a swarm of fire ants was gnawing at his nerves. Am I blind? The panicked thought quickly abated as he raised his uninjured hand and saw its shadow ahead of him in the dark. Not blind but hurt. How? A chill washed over him as he batted away the sheet covering his chest and arms. Whatever the reason, he had to get out. Something was wrong. Every hair on his body stood on end as he groped along the icy ceramic table beneath him for anything that might tell him where he was. Inching ahead, his fingertips brushed something solid. He grabbed it and snatched his hand away with a shudder at the alien yet horribly familiar sensation. A body. No longer a person but inert flesh, dead and already cooling. He had dealt with enough bodies in Green-Wood Cemetery to know what they felt like, and he swore he would never wake one again.

Herman’s mind reeled as he scrambled away toward the table’s unseen edge, putting as much distance between him and the body as he could. This had to be a mistake. Or a prank. Yes, he must have fallen asleep on a gurney, and Joe decided to teach him a lesson by parking him in the morgue. Herman pressed a hand to the base of his skull, then ran his fingers down his prickling, half-numb arm. But he didn’t remember falling asleep. Then again, he didn’t remember getting hurt either. Taking one step too far, his legs collided with a cart of tools. They hit the floor with a resounding clatter that sent a jolt of pain through his temple. For a long moment, Herman stood frozen cradling his arm. When no one came, he released a tremulous breath.

Carefully stepping over the fallen tools, he groped forward in the absolute darkness until his fingers brushed the cool plaster of the wall. He tried to imagine what the morgue beneath the clinic looked like. He had only been down there once, and it was months ago. The day he arrived at the Institute for the Betterment of the Soul, the doctor had brought him down to the basement and asked him to demonstrate his powers. The doctor’s gaze on him had been so unnerving he scarcely breathed, let alone memorized the layout of the room. Herman opened his mouth to call out but stopped. If he yelled for help and Joe or the others found him, they would know how much they had shaken him by leaving him with all the bodies. No one else knew about his powers, and they wouldn’t if Herman had anything to do about it. That was the whole reason any of them had come to the institute: to be normal.

Or you could send one of them to find the door, Herman’s mind traitorously whispered as he stepped forward and his fingers brushed against the metal cabinets that housed those yet unclaimed. If he closed his eyes, he could feel them calling to him like a siren’s song. At Green-Wood, he could walk past a mausoleum and tell exactly how many people were in it. Now that his head had cleared, he could sense one hidden in the cabinets and the body on the table behind him. This time, there would be no jewelry or valuables for them to hand over, but if he told them to find the door, they would answer his call. The temptation to reach for his powers welled inside him for the first time in months, as natural as breathing. Before, he had been thankful to feel normal for a time, to not feel the constant surge of magic beneath his skin, but standing afraid in the dark, the tendril of energy reaching across the void for the nearest body was a welcome comfort. Even after everything, his powers would still come if he needed them. Herman’s eyes snapped open as pain lanced through the base of his skull. Rearing back with a yelp, he yanked the energy back, and it scattered like beads from a string.

The thought came through the fog with sudden clarity: his being in the morgue wasn’t a mistake or a prank; it was a test. Perhaps the doctor had left him in the morgue to see what he would do. If he used his powers to find his way out, it would only confirm Herman needed more rounds of the stronger treatment to break him of this insidious habit. He had only had that regimen once, and it had left him sick for weeks. He had been so exhausted that even the thought of going to the graveyard again, no matter how good the potential haul, left him seconds from vomiting. The doctors only prescribed it to those who wouldn’t submit and still relied on their unnatural propensities instead of their senses and wits.

Squaring his shoulders, Herman straightened. He had both senses and wits. He didn’t need the mindless dead to do his bidding because he was afraid of the dark. It was like the doctors said, if the treatments didn’t work, it was because he wasn’t trying hard enough. He didn’t plan on letting the doctors down. No, this time, he was going to prove his mother and everyone else who doubted him wrong. Inch by inch, he made his way across the seemingly endless room. With each step, his breathing grew louder in his ears and the urge to reach for the dead fluttered to the surface. When his hand brushed against the cold metal of the doorknob, he shuddered with relief. Herman’s heart pounded in his ears as he fumbled with the lock and stumbled into the long hall to find the basement empty as a tomb. The door quietly clicked shut behind him as he took a step into the dim light. Confirming he was alone, Herman leaned against the wall and drew in a shaky breath. A thin laugh escaped his lips. He had done it. He had escaped the morgue without using his powers. He passed the test.

Herman’s heavy steps echoed through the basement as he made his way to the freight elevator at the end of the hall. His finger still hovered above the button when the gears squealed to life. The elevator rumbled and hissed like a steam engine as it descended, shaking the ground beneath Herman’s feet. Through the metal grate, he could see a man inside. For a moment, he thought it might be Joe, but the instant he caught a flash of the other man’s fair hair in the gloom, he knew it was the doctor. That familiar flicker of trepidation passed through him as the other man’s eyes raked over his form from behind the cage door. As always, the doctor was inscrutable, his face a mask of stillness that betrayed nothing. Herman hated that he never knew what he was thinking. Most of his other bosses or marks he had no trouble reading, but never the doctor.

When the elevator shuddered to a stop and the doctor yanked open the grate, Herman plastered on a wide grin. “Sir, I think I’m cured! You left me in the morgue, and I didn’t wake a single one!”

The doctor stared at him for a long, calculating moment before he said, “Let’s speak inside, Mr. Judd.” Ignoring his pained gasp, he grabbed Herman’s arm and pulled him back toward the morgue. “Has anyone seen you?”

Herman shook his head.

“Good. We wouldn’t want anyone to hear about the nature of your problem, would we?”

“No— no, sir. Of course not.”

“Then, how fortunate that I was on my way to check on you.”

“Could we talk upstairs instead?” Herman asked but immediately regretted it when the doctor gave him a sharp look.

“The more you avoid it, the less I believe you. If you’re cured, as you say, I’m sure you wouldn’t mind being in the morgue a few minutes more.”

“Yes, sir,” he murmured as the doctor unlocked the door and ushered him inside.

The sudden brightness as he threw on the lights made the back of Herman’s head throb anew, but the moment he opened his eyes, they landed on the half-covered body on the table. The current of power within him surfaced again, begging him to let it help, let it reach for the dead. If he raised the dead, he could still run, and he would never have to worry about the doctor or his all-seeing gaze ever again. He would find new cemeteries to rob far away from here, and he could start over alone. But the voice inside of him was that of a criminal, a liar, and a freak. Silencing the voice, Herman ripped his gaze away from the body and turned to find the doctor watching him as he kicked the fallen instruments aside. Herman stifled the urge to flinch under the other man’s gaze. Even after six months, it still unsettled him, the way the doctor seemed to look through him rather than at him. At times, it felt like he was dissecting him with his eyes, as if he could peel apart his layers and see what lay beneath. The doctor treated him for those thoughts as well. His fanciful ideas and paranoia were a weakness of character, among many others.

“Tell me about your experience, Mr. Judd. You said you believe you’re cured?” the doctor began as he dropped his ring, cufflinks, and tie pin into a wooden box on the counter.

Herman straightened. “Yes, sir. Or close to it. I used only my sense and wits to get out of the room. I didn’t touch any of the bodies.”

“Are you certain?” the doctor asked, his gaze lingering on the disturbed sheet.

“I didn’t wake any of them. I didn’t know where I was at first and touched that one, but that was it.” Swallowing hard, Herman chose his words carefully. The doctor seemed to know when people like him were lying, and he wanted to be better. He wanted to be free of this. All he had to do was stay out of morgues and graveyards. “I— I was tempted, but I resisted.”

“Ah, but you are still tempted,” the doctor replied as he rolled up his sleeves.

Herman’s heart pounded in his ears. He couldn’t have the stronger treatment, not again. He would rather go back to jail than go through that again. “Only a little, but that means the treatments are working, right? It’s been six months. How long do you think it will take before my powers disappear completely and I’m cured?”

“You have been an especially hard case, Mr. Judd. You have reformed as far as you are capable, but ultimately, you may not have the strength of character needed to be free of it completely.”

“No, I can do it, sir.” His injured arm flashed with pain, but he ignored it along with the desperation in his voice. “I’ll even submit to the stronger treatments again. Please, don’t give up on me. I don’t want to be like this.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Judd. This isn’t a decision I take lightly, but we will have to terminate your position.”

“No, please, I need this. I can’t go back. I can’t.” When the doctor took a step toward him, Herman instinctively shrunk back. He shouldn’t have moved; he was only proving the doctor’s case, but every fiber of his being told him to run at the cold, assessing look in the other man’s eye. “I don’t understand. I passed the test. I didn’t use my powers.”

“Don’t worry, you will be put to a far greater use.”

The doctor’s smile should have put him at ease. A far greater use. Maybe he would send him to work at the sanatorium in Long Island. His heart pounded as if his body knew what his brain could not accept. Herman’s back hit the door. The doctor watched him with his head cocked and a faint smile playing on his lips as a light sparked in his hand. Herman watched in horror as veins of electricity raced up the doctor’s fingers and pooled in his palms. No. No, it couldn’t be true. The doctors weren’t supposed to have powers. They created the treatments; they were the successes the others were supposed to aspire to become.

“You’re a—”

A mocking grin stretched across his lips as electricity crackled down his hand and reached for the world beyond. “Yes, fortunately, dead men can’t tell secrets. Now, can they, Mr. Judd?”

Before Herman could turn for the door, the doctor shoved his palm into his chest. The air ripped from his throat as every nerve in his body sang. His muscles clenched as he futilely struggled against the doctor’s hold. His powers groped for the nearest corpse, but before he could reach, his wildly beating heart seized and fell silent. The smell of burnt flesh and hair drifted to his nose as he hit the ground. The world narrowed to the black rubber of the doctor’s boots as Herman Judd released a final, shuddering breath and saw no more.


Once again, The Reanimator’s Soul comes out October 24th. If you would like to preorder it, you can do so here.

The Reanimator's Heart · the reanimator's soul · Writing

Why Oliver is Important Rep to Me

As is a common theme with people from marginalized groups, growing up, I didn’t see any autistic characters in fiction (or at least none that read as overtly autistic). Of course, we have plenty of hyperfocused, brilliant characters like the inventor from Flubber or Milo from Atlantis, but those characters didn’t really portray the struggles of being autistic. While I wouldn’t want to be neurotypical, being autistic in a society built for neurotypicals means always feeling like you don’t fully grasp a situation or that everyone seems to know things innately that you do not. These characters didn’t show that. Everyone likes to dunk on Sheldon from Big Bang Theory for being fairly sucky rep as he’s a self-centered asshole, but I did appreciate that Sheldon struggles with things the others find “normal” because he’s autistic. Overtly autistic characters who aren’t just slightly quirky geniuses were practically non-existent.

Then, there’s also a multifaceted element of spite.

For background, I’ve known I was autistic since I was about fourteen. I figured it out on my own and took steps up until official diagnosis because, frankly, being officially diagnosed can make your life harder and it’s costly, so I haven’t gone for a full evaluation. But I have known for a over half my life that I am autistic. The college I went to for my bachelors has a degree in ABA, and when I realized what ABA was, I was like HELL NO (if you don’t know, please look into why ABA is traumatic and basically conversion therapy for autistics). On top of that, a woman in my graduating class who is NT wrote a picture book about an autistic girl’s experiences, and I was just… less than thrilled that no one was critiquing the fact that she was writing from an autistic perspective when she isn’t autistic. She’s just someone who wants to be a special education teacher. Autistics get talked over a lot in regards to our experiences and lives, and after trying to write more neurotypical characters, I decided to lean into neurodivergence in my writing.

If you look back at my first book, The Earl of Brass, it’s pretty obvious that Eilian is AuDHD (ADHD + autism). At the time, I had wanted to portray him as someone with ADHD, but when I look back, I realize he’s probably autistic too with his special interests, food issues, and some sensory issues. Hadley, the love interest in that story, also comes off as autistic. Oops.

When I decided to write The Reanimator’s Heart, I made the purposeful choice for the first time to make a character overtly autistic. I wanted Oliver to be someone who embodies my experiences as an autistic person. I wanted a character who is an adult, and a queer adult at that, who moves through life trying to take care of himself while managing a job, friends/relationships, and his own needs. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t need accommodations. The Paranormal Society’s building provides him an isolated bedroom off his laboratory, and a quiet room in the library appears where he can calm down when overstimulated. Even with his closest relationships, Oliver still needs help sometimes, but neither Gwen nor Felipe belittle or infantalize him. Despite having help and setting his life up in such a way that he isn’t constantly burnout, he still gets overstimulated or has a shutdown.

Ultimately though, Oliver is an adult man with a job he is good at and a partner who loves and supports him. So much of what we see about autism is aimed at the neurotypical parents of autistic children, which leads to autistic adults being infantalized by professionals and other adults. It is something I despise and many other autistics, regardless of support needs, despise. I wanted to have Oliver be clearly an adult who still struggles with sensory issues or losing his ability to speak when upset due to being autistic, but he still is able to live fairly autonomously and be successful in his job and love life. I’ve also made it very clear throughout both books in this series (book 2 comes out October 24th, btw) that his partner, Felipe, loves and supports him. He doesn’t find Oliver to be a burden, and expresses that to him when Oliver fears he is one. Often in stories, neurodivergent characters are seen as annoying or burdensome to their partners, and I wanted to make it clear to other autistic readers that they aren’t burdens and that there are people out there who will love them because of their quirks, not in spite of them.

Oliver is the rep I needed as a twenty year old and still need now, and my hope is that other autistic people will see themselves in him too.

Book Reviews · Monthly Review · the reanimator's soul

September 2023 Wrap-Up Blog

In September, I finally feel like I found my footing again. With all my major book launch/release prep out of the way, I am looking forward to The Reanimator’s Soul coming out October 24th, in time for spooky season. As a recap, here were my goals for September:

  • blog weekly
  • monthly newsletter
  • read 8 books
  • maintain mental health by gaming, reading, or crafting when necessary
  • stay on top of grading
  • Edit The Reanimator’s Soul

Books

My goal was to read 8 book this month, and I read 8 total.

  1. The Dragon’s Betrothed (#1) by Meguru Hinohara- 4 stars, a blocked up writer returns to his family home only to find out he is supposed to be a dragon’s bride. Hi-jinks ensue as the dragon tries to persuade him to give him a shot and it eventually becomes steamy.
  2. The Dragon’s Betrothed (#2) by Meguru Hinohara- 4 stars, see above.
  3. Night Spinner (#1) by Addie Thorley- 3 stars, an ex-soldier finds her loyalties cannot so easily lie with her old troops after falling in with a band of Robin Hood-like deserters. I found the world-building to be… meh, and while the tone is YA, the ages feel very off for the story.
  4. Akata Woman (#3) by Nnedi Okorafor- 3 stars, a young woman finds she is far more than she appeared and must steal back a mystical book to appease a spider god that threatens to destroy her world. While I enjoyed this, I found the world-building to be all over the place compared to previous books.
  5. Fangs by Sarah Anderson- 4 stars, cute vignettes between a vampire and a werewolf, very fluffy.
  6. Mammoths at the Gate (#4) by Nghi Vo- 4 stars, Chih returns to their monastery to find their home a mess as the head monk has died and the relatives want more than the monastery can give. A wonderful look at grief and the transformative power of love and devotion.
  7. Princess Floralinda and the Forty-Flight Tower by Tamsyn Muir- 5 stars, Princess Bride meets Adventure Time as a princess saves herself with the help of a sassy pixie. Hilarious and weird.
  8. The Candles are Burning (#6) by Veronica G. Henry- 4 stars, a horror short story set in the South, featuring a recent widow who must trick the devil to save her soul. Very atmospheric.

Admin/Behind-the-Scenes Stuff

  • The Reanimator’s Heart made it to the final round of BBNYA 2023!
  • The Reanimator’s Heart was the queer romance book club pick at Meet Cute Bookshop
  • I ran a sale on The Reanimator’s Heart and a Bookbub ad
  • Finished playing Venba and Assemble With Care (both are available on Steam)
  • Finished writing the last little bit of The Reanimator’s Soul
  • Edited The Reanimator’s Soul twice/two rounds
  • Proofread The Reanimator’s Soul
  • Prepared and sent out ARCs for The Reanimator’s Soul
  • Formatted the paperback interior for The Reanimator’s Soul
  • Contacted my cover designer for the paperback cover for The Reanimator’s Soul
  • Got my covid booster
  • Did a bunch of event admin stuff for work
  • Beta read someone else’s book

Blogs Posted


Writing

Writing and editing went really well, which always scares me a bit. In my defense, The Reanimator’s Soul was a book that I spent a lot of time on, so the “done” draft ended up being fairly clean. When I keep going back and fiddling, I make less of a mess for myself at the end of the process. Another thing that I think worked in my favor for the editing process was that a) I enjoy editing, especially since I edit as I go. b) I made of list of things I needed to add/tweak as I finishing the book up, which made it far easier to go back and run through.

I’m not going to lie, I really like this book. The emotional arcs for Felipe and Oliver are as important as the mystery. There’s a bit less action than the last book, but I feel like that’s to be expected and is ultimately good for balance since I don’t want the feel of the books to be too homogenous/identical. It’s about coming to terms with being chronically ill/disabled, realizing you can be loved as an autistic person without changing who you are, setting boundaries, and how medicine can uphold white supremacy. Sadly, these things don’t look sexy on a marketing picture, so I rarely get to talk about them, but those are the core things the book is about.


Hopes for October

  • Post/market consistently before The Reanimator’s Soul releases October 24th
  • Do all the paperback setup for The Reanimator’s Soul once I have the final cover
  • Have a great launch for The Reanimator’s Soul
  • Write side/follow-up story for my newsletter subscribers (TRM #2.5)
  • Get ball rolling on the audiobook of The Reanimator’s Soul
  • Read 8 books
  • Send out my October newsletter
  • Finish putting together my Halloween plastic canvas village sets (I have one building left and need to hot glue others together)
  • Decide if I want to do anything NaNoWriMo related in November, despite it being a month from hell for me usually (aka is Kara feeling masochistic)
the reanimator's soul · Writing

One Month Until The Reanimator’s Soul

I am so excited because in less than a month, The Reanimator’s Soul (The Reanimator Mysteries #2) comes out in ebook and paperback. During October, I’m going to be sharing more of the story along with some fun tidbits about why this book came to be, what it’s about, etc.

Today, I want to whet your appetite by giving you some things I listened to and looked at while working on The Reanimator’s Soul.

First up, we have the YouTube playlist for The Reanimator’s Soul. These are songs that I think relate really well to the story but were not necessarily things I listened to on repeat while writing that (those were weird ambience tracks). Some highlights that might give you the tone:

“Against the Kitchen Floor” by Will Wood encapsulates Ansley and Oliver’s past relationship pretty well as well as the scars Oliver has from that relationship. Will Wood writes a lot of music neurodivergent and/or mentally ill people can relate to.

You’ll also notice a few song from Poor Man’s Poison. They are quickly becoming one of my favorite folk(ish) bands. They sing a lot of about social injustices, the rich v. the poor, and they are catchy as hell. It works very well for a book about how medicine can uphold white supremacist ideologies.

“Where You Go I Go” by Fight the Fade felt like the perfect song for Oliver and Felipe’s relationship, like so spot on I made my partner listen to it. There’s plenty more on the “soundtrack” for this book, so I hope you enjoy it.

And I cannot give you previews without sharing the infamous Pinterest Board for The Reanimator’s Soul.

This is one of my favorite things to share because I get to throw a bunch of random photos and quotes at you and let you concoct your own plot for the story. I have a lot of face-casting pictures for the characters along with some pics of Victorian things you might expect to see, and plenty of moody quotes to hammer home those feelings.

If you haven’t preordered The Reanimator’s Soul yet, there’s still time. It comes out October 24th, 2023 at all major retailers. The Google Play preorder link will be up VERY soon (my apologies for my Google Play peeps), and paperbacks will be available closer to release day since I can’t put those on preorder ahead of time.