Personal Life

On Learning New Things

I am an eternal student. Whether it’s doing research for my books or learning new crafts, I am always learning. One thing my partner and I have been talking about a lot lately is eventually trying to make a video game together. My partner is really talented as an artist, and she knows some coding. I would obviously love to help build and write for the game. In order to not be semi dead weight, I decided to learn coding.

For the first time in a long time, I ended up with learning paralysis. Code for some reason felt very intimidating. Initially, my hesitation was that I couldn’t conceptualize how the art part of the game got combined with the lines of code to create what we all play. That hang up caused me to stall out and procrastinate for about a week. A few Youtube videos later, it finally clicked that games were basically a puppet theater that the code manipulated while the player is the only “human” who moves independently. I felt slightly silly for not realizing that sooner, but brains get hung up on weird things. I have a tendency to get stuck on abstract concepts that I can’t link to things I can see. It’s the same reason why I did well in math until I hit calculus where everything felt so abstract that I couldn’t ground concepts in reality enough to do well.

With this exciting discovery fueling me, I immediately starting doing tutorials on GDscript (the code that the game engine Godot uses) and hit the wall again.

While I do Duolingo daily to encourage my mom to keep learning Spanish (and to exercise my own brain), I do not enjoy the learning style that tosses you into learning concepts without context. One of my favorite parts of learning languages in school was the charts that explained verb tenses, pronouns, grammatical rules, etc. I don’t tend to organically pick that kind of stuff up. I just get frustrated when I don’t understand the rationale behind things. I feel like if I can’t put all the pieces together based on what you taught me, you’re doing a bad job. Assuming a student is going to organically pick up anything is a foolhardy endeavor because most won’t, and if you tell people they’re wrong and they get repeatedly frustrated, they quit. I got very frustrated that I was being expected to intuit things that made no sense without added context. At one point, I actually got my partner to look at an answer and explain to me what I wasn’t understanding or missing. Even she wasn’t sure at first, but when we talked it out, we figured out that what I was thinking were coordinates on a grid were actually the slope of the movement.

If you are teaching a concept and don’t explain the various pieces to your student, you are setting them up for confusion and failure. This is a hill I will die on. More information always trumps less.

I do a lot of crafting and have a high frustration tolerance, but even I walked away from this for a day or two because I was so annoyed. After doing some Googling, I found out that GDscript is very similar to another coding language called Python, so I looked into that instead as I figured it was older and would have a lot more information on it. I hit pay dirt. Something I’ve found as an eternal student is that there is a teacher for every student. You just have to find them. Several Youtube videos later, I found someone whose style jived with my brain. His approach is straightforward, detailed, and he spends time breaking down what the various pieces do in terms of syntax and grammar.

After an hour of following along with his video, I was able to create a basic little chatbot, and while it was something small and silly, I left feeling accomplished. That is what learning should feel like. Could I build an app? No. Do I feel like I walked away with comprehensive basic knowledge that will act as a foundation for other things I learn? Yes, and that’s the important part.

What I’ve found helps me a lot when I’m trying to learn new things is planning out that learning. The same guy has a rather cheap beginner course (under $50 with a coupon) with like 30+ hours of information. I plan to watch a few more of his beginner videos on Youtube and take notes until I can take the course. I only have 90 days to complete the course, so I want to make sure I clear my to-do list of a few things first as I’m currently reading/giving feedback on a past student’s novel and have to finish reading a book I need to blurb. By the end of the course, I should have a rudimentary understanding of Python and be able to make some basic things. If I like it and think it’s useful, I can branch out to the more advanced course and go from there.

I know someone out there is reading this and going, “Why not just use AI and vibe code?” Because I don’t want to be dependent upon something else, especially something I despise. And more importantly, I want to learn how to do this myself, so I can expand my skills, make new stuff, and move closer to my goal of building a game with my partner. I can’t do that if I don’t learn the basics and grow from there.

Learning is something I enjoy. I like expanding my frustration tolerance and working through problems rather than relying on someone else or giving up the second I hit a roadblock. Something I stress to my students, especially my college freshmen, is that frustration and doubting your skills is a part of learning. I remember sitting in my first few weeks of grad school classes worrying I was the stupidest one in the class because I was psyching myself out. Once I grew accustomed to new terminology and the ebb and flow of the classes, I realized I was fine. If I wasn’t willing to sit with that discomfort, I could have missed out on something that has been really important to my growth. It’s the same with learning skills on your own. If you’re unwilling to deal with frustration and discomfort, you’ll never grow. I wish that more people would understand that and embrace that instead of turning to AI or simply giving up.

Personal Life

The Discomfort of Trying

Remember back in my discussion of social media and the devaluation of the arts, I mentioned how AI “art” partly arises from the discomfort of trying and being bad at art and how many tech bros don’t want to try to actually learn how to create art because a) it’s hard b) it takes time c) being bad at something is uncool d) caring enough to try for long periods is also uncool. That is vastly oversimplified, but you get the point.

In my infinite wisdom and procrastination as I work on book 3 of the Reanimator Mysteries series, I have decided to take up cross-stitching! Yes, folks, Kara is learning a new craft, and ironically, this time, there is no mental breakdown that has set it off. I was in a mental health low when I decided cross-stitching looked interesting, so maybe, I followed my usual pattern anyway, but I had been putting it off. At first, I wanted to finish “An Unexpected Question” and didn’t want to use my craft project as a procrastination method, which was sensible because I would have absolutely done that. Then, I kept putting it off, despite having AIDA cloth, hoops, floss, and a simple pattern. Why was I actively intrigued by projects and cross-stitchers I saw on Instagram but kept not starting a project?

Because what if I sucked at it? What if it was too hard?

I never thought those words exactly; I just sidled away from the project, putting it off for another day. When I finally realized what I was doing, I was pissed. Kara Jorgensen does not cower before a new craft project. Hell, my life’s goal is to be decent at every craft I can possibly learn, and if I can construct whole plastic canvas village sets, I can do a six by six inch cross-stitch pattern.

To force myself to actually start, I decided to participate in a stitch along (I’ll use SAL as an acronym for it here on out). SALs are when a cross-stitcher releases the pattern in pieces week by week, so week one you do the frames of the piece, week two you do a part in the upper left corner, week 3 you do part of the upper right, etc. In this case, it’s the Femurs and Fungi SAL by Fine Frog Stitching, which is supposed to have a sort of science goth, dark academia nature aesthetic. I saw it on Instagram and thought it looked really cool, so I bought the pattern, ordered all the materials on the list, and prepared myself to start the project in April. After following another SAL from a different creator a few months ago, I had always hoped to join one but never committed. Part of the fun with them is sharing your pieces each week to show off what you’ve done. It’s like having a community to cheer you on and having a sort of cheat sheet in case you get stuck since you can check out what other people have done with the patterns.

By joining, the SAL, which begins in early April, I set a deadline to learn the basics of cross-stitching. Most SALs are roughly advanced beginner to intermediate in terms of skill level, so I knew I would need to do a semi basic project to learn the ropes before I could do the SAL. A few weeks ago, I finally picked up my AIDA and hoop after watching like ten “how to cross-stitch” videos on Youtube. It didn’t look difficult, but that anticipatory anxiety remained. In a fit of oh-for-fucks-sake, I stuffed my fabric in a hoop, measured the center with a chalk pencil and got started, and guess what happened?

I sucked. Yes, I could follow a pattern since they’re very similar to plastic canvas patterns. Yes, I could put my stitches in the same way each time. But I struggled. I couldn’t find the holes in the AIDA, I couldn’t separate the floss properly and spent half an hour untangling it, I couldn’t thread the needle without taking five minutes to do so, and I couldn’t figure out how to hold the hoop without making my hand cramp. At one point, I did like twenty white-knuckled stitches and put it down. There was that little voice whispering, “Maybe this craft isn’t for me,” but instead, I stepped back and thought, “What am I doing wrong, and where can I make my life easier?”

I invested in a needle threader. I have a minor hand tremor that makes threading difficult. I already used one for plastic canvas yarn, so I bought one small enough for cross-stitch thread. One problem solved. That problem finding the holes on the fabric? Turns out, I was using the wrong size needle. I got the proper size, and the process is now significantly easier. A cross-stitcher on Youtube posted a video of how to properly pull the floss to separate it, and once I figured out that technique, the floss no longer tangled.

The vast majority of my problems were caused by inexperience, not ineptitude or a lack of innate talent. If I had someone teaching me, they probably would have taught me the tricks of the trade, but since I’m teaching myself, I needed to hunt down the things that are common knowledge to those who have been doing it for a long time. That isn’t true of just the world of crafts. Everything has those bumps that beginners don’t know about, and you can either throw down your hoop and give up or seek the answers yourself to figure out how to get past them.

The progress I’ve made over the past week has been significant. My stitches are no longer so wobbly or lopsided. I can find the holes in the AIDA much easier, which means I stitch faster and with more fluency. I’ve done creative projects long enough to know that there is always a skill acceleration, then a plateau, then another acceleration, etc. as you level up whatever skill you’re working on. At some point, I’ll hit another wall and have to go back to consulting my more experienced friends and the lovely people of Youtube who share their knowledge for free.

But the point is I’m learning by doing. I’m enjoying and trusting in the process of learning, even when it’s frustrating. Doing any sort of artistic endeavor is difficult, but if you want to learn it, do it. Do your homework, research the supplies you need, and dive in knowing you will be bad at it initially. The only way to get good at something is to actually do it, so trust the learning process and don’t be afraid to look for help online. Take this as your sign to use that craft kit or start that project.